| Karen Marie Kline Santa Fe, New Mexico 87507 March 23, 2006 Tami Schneider Santa Fe, New Mexico 87504 Dear Tami, When I woke up this morning I remembered that yesterday my stocks were down $1,500 so I decided to wait till today to sell them. I was going to tell you that last night, but we started talking about so many things that when we came to signing the contract, I completely forgot that I was going to have the money next Wednesday, not the Tuesday. Then, I saw that the contract doesn't include you calling Darci Burson. I had thought you thought she might change her mind about supporting Rick Green if you called her, and that he might give up. Also you could call his lawyer with the same things. When I say, "thought" I would be more accurate to say "believed:" See, in 2003 I had even more trouble with my memory. I could not remember anything. In fact the shelves in my living room, the white ones, were given to me by the Traumatic Brain Injury program so I could lay out the legal papers in the foreclosures and that way I could see them, which was the only way to have them in my mind. But then after I got tetanus and was in bed for over a year, unable to move very much - I stayed in a sitting position because I couldn't straighten out -- I played huge numbers of computer games of the kind the speech therapist had said were good exercises for regaining working memory. And, they helped. For instance, I used to not be able to remember who I emailed to, and I couldn't repeat in my mind three things I needed to do because that was more than I could remember. But now, I can remember what I've done, what room I've just been in. Before I had to keep repeating to myself what I was doing, but now I can think that I'd like a cup of coffee and then go into the kitchen and make myself a cup without having to keep repeating it. So the improvement is huge. If the loss hadn't been so great, I'd be in better shape. There was just so much loss. Okay, so I was talking to the other therapist, the one who was helping me come to grips with how this changes my life, and I said that I'd noticed that when I was angry I swore normally. She said that's because the part of our brains that stores that kind of thing, things more like beliefs, is more sturdy than the part that does working memory. So I told her that I was going to convert more things into beliefs, so I could faster reactions on some things. The thing is, now that I've been doing that, is that beliefs are static and not flexible like thinking. When I believe something, I remember it, but not in the way an idea is remembered where it's open to updating and change. Believing (as a substitute for proper remembering) is pretty cumbersome. It's like I have these blocks of "ideas" - blocks in the sense of bricks. These "things" sit around in my mind and the new information which is more like light than bricks comes into my mind and I can see it. but at the same time I can be stumbling over one or more of the bricks. You'd think I could see that the new information is better and should be replacing the bricks, but I don't. It's as if the "bricks" are an essential part of the view in my mind, even when they are causing me to trip. It's hard to explain. But that's one reason I can't do things in court anymore. At the hearing to Approve the Sale, for instance, I was fastened on the idea of the violation of the stay, and when Judge Vigil said that he could find my name in the certificate of service, I wasn't able to take that information and identify what papers exactly he was talking about. So, I'm much less confident than I used to be. And at the hearing, I failed to be able to show the judge that I was talking about the motion for summary judgment. It's sort of like that with the contract last night. I didn't see how it didn't include some of the bricks I had in my mind, like that you would approach this from the standpoint of how Rick Green violated his ethics requirements and how he and Darci could lose their licenses. You had mentioned the seriousness of that to me several times, so I had made this brick out of it. I thought that seemed like a good approach. I'll have the lady who helps me on Thursdays mail this today. I think it's a little more clear if you see the context . the way that this is a part of my disability, than if I call you and just tell you two sentences: one about the money and the other about letting Darci know that this isn't okay. (I'm reading this over before the lady comes, and I want to thank you for calling this morning.) I thought I should say that sometimes I have a brick/belief in my mind that is different from what I'm talking about or want to say, but it comes out even though it doesn't fit. For instance, I used to send emails to Realtors around the country, telling them about B12 and how being low on it can affect thinking. I soon realized that I couldn't do it after I watched the news, because if there was something that grabbed my mind, like a flood, then instead of writing, "Let's look at the numbers" (because in Japan and other countries they rely on studies which show that at a B12 level of 550 there begins to be depression and cognitive dysfunction; in contrast, here in the U.S. labs show "normal" to be as low as 180.) I would write, "Let's look at the floods" and, I could not see the mistake until maybe a day later when I'd be looking at my sent messages and see that some of them stuck out from the pattern. So, I can have two different things in mind that are mutually exclusive, and talk or write as if I believe both of them to be true. When I have enough time, I can go over things and get them right. Sincerely, Karen Marie Kline |
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