August 20, 2005 (Saturday): it’s been a long, long time since I wrote. In
March I got to see the Homeless Doctor because my home had been
foreclosed and I was therefore in risk of being homeless. I was very
sick again when I went to see him, I could barely walk and I was very
bent over and my voice was weird, old sounding. I had a hard time
explaining to him, but he was very patient. I took pictures of my toe
with me, so he could see some of the ways it had looked. He looked up in
his computer before he prescribed for me. He prescribed a 500mg
Metronidazol every 6 hours for 10 days. The Adult Protective
Services helper took me to the pharmacy where homeless people can get
free prescriptions, and I asked them please to hurry because I had
tetanus. I had to go sit down. I got the Metronidazol and could barely
get back to the car. I took the Metronidazol as directed and nothing
really happened for several days. I just stayed soooo sick. Meaning I
could barely move and I had to sit still in bed. But then it began to
work. I went back for a follow up visit with the doctor about on the
10th day of the prescription, and he gave me another 7 days. The stuff
tastes really ugly and the taste becomes a part of my body, it doesn’t
ever go away. But, I am so grateful for the full dose of the stuff, since
it’s what is recommended for tetanus. That’s how I felt, just soooo
grateful. Then I have another follow up appointment, but I’m not totally
forthright with the doctor because I am soooo tired of the evil taste of
the Metronidazol. I mostly tell the doctor about how much better I am.
(I am just thinking that I failed to record how a woman sent me a huge
box of oranges and grapefruit and some propolis and oil of oregano...
this was in the period when I didn’t have any antibiotic and I was still
so sick. The things she sent helped, but just could not drive out the
whole of the infection or kill the bacteria. I’m not sure. I know they
helped. But not enough to make me well. The Metronidazol made a huge
difference, a really huge difference.
Okay so now it’s August and I was exercising to get my strength back.
The doctor said that I should walk to start with. I said I was afraid of
falling since my feel were going major numb, just totally numb and that
made me feel as if they weren’t touching the floor and I felt like I was
falling. I was really afraid of being on the sidewalk and falling. He said
just walking around my garden would be fine. I was happy to walk
around my garden because if I fell out there, there was tall grass and
the earth is a lot softer than sidewalk. I got so much better that I
could do 5 minutes on my Gazelle, three times a day. I couldn’t do more
than that without the major tightening happening.
I saw the doctor again and asked him about how my stomach still felt
really scary when my kitty bumped it if she was washing herself while
sitting on my lap. It felt as if it was going to start the contractions in
my back again. He said that was the nerves, which were damaged, and
that it was a feeling having to do with the nerve damage, not with the
bacteria being about to cause contractions again. I was relieved to
hear that.
But then, about a month ago
September 7, 2005 (Wednesday): I have been meaning to illustrate as
best I can how the tetanus felt. It was a sickening feeling and unlike
anything I had ever felt before in my life.
1. The day after I got the first muscle contraction in my back, I felt my
mid-section muscles tightening and I thought it was from being cold, so
I tried exercising to loosen my muscles, but in only a few minutes I felt
as if there was cement in the lower part of my body that felt heavy and
as if it was hardening. It was a worrying feeling.
2. When I tried to take a shower in preparation for my second attempt
to get medical help from the ER, the cement feeling increased in an
extremely scary way when I needed to rinse the shampoo out of my hair
but I was already being bent over.
3. Once the cement feeling began increasing, it increased rather rapidly
and it was scary because it felt as if it would completely take over.
What my illustration doesn't show is that it bend me over. So, I was
afraid not only of the seizures coming back in my back, but I was afraid
that the cement feeling thing would go from bending me to immobilizing
me.
4. The times that it took me several minutes to get back to bed, it took
several hours for the feeling to begin to llessen.
One of the hardest things now is that when I am up too long or attempt
to do too much, the feeling comes back and it still bends me over. Before
I overdid it the day I was getting paint at Home Depot, I had worked up
to 5 minutes on my Gazelle three times a day. But after the Home
Depot day I couldn't do a minute and a half without the cement feeling
bending me which again was very worrying. I tried a minute and even
that little time brought it on.
November 19, 2005 (Saturday): When I drew the illustration I failed
to explain that I drew it because when the lawyer who was foreclosing
my home refused to hold off the sale on the courthouse steps when I
had a buyer for my rental and the money to pay off my mortgage was
only two weeks away, I had to file a Chapter 11 to preserve my home.
It took me all day to prepare the papers. When I got up to give them
to the man who was taking them to Albuquerque for me, because I'm
still in bed recovering from this tetanus, I found that the lower part
of my torso felt just the way it did during the tetanus. It felt like
figure 4.
So, it appears that intense stress has the same effect as excessive
exertion.
I think there is a general belief that the only problem someone has
when they have tetanus is a "locked jaw." But that is not at all what the
worst of it is. It "locks" all the muscles and causes extremely painful
muscle seizures in the back that are really terrifying.
June 28, 2006 (Wednesday): I wish I'd kept up writing every day.
It's hard to believe that I am still so sick so much of the time. Last
summer I was doing really well, and then when I was out getting some
things from Home Depot to fix up my rental so I could sell it, I had to
wait so long with no where to sit down that it was a lot like that time
way in the beginning when I was at Wal*Mart and kept pushing myself.
Only this time the appendicitis pain wasn't as fierce. It kept me from
being able to walk into my garden, though. By the time I got to the
edge of my deck the pain was prohibitive. It took three months of
being stuck in bed all the time for it to get better. I wish I'd written
consistently because the foreclosure thing was more complicated than
I had thought it would be. But I saved my home by Don going to
Albuquerque and filing Chapter 13 for me. Only then I had to go to the
creditors meeting and the Senior Transport was half an hour late and
the U.S. Trustee blamed me and said she would work to get my
bankruptcy dismissed. It was. But I think that if I'd known about the
hearing that was held, that it wouldn't have been dismissed. I've never
been able to get the Post Office to deliver my mail to my door, so I
only get my mail once a week, when the lady from Protective Services
comes to help me. The lady who comes now is Michelle and she is soooo
nice. She worked at Rancho Encantado a long time ago, as did I, so we
were in sync a bit when she started. She always cheers me up. But
recently, since March 8, 2006, I've been so sick again. I was able to
go out to Wal*Mart with Michelle. I could walk from the car -
Michelle would let me out at the door - to the little electric carts. It
was so fun to go out. But then I got so much worse that it was really
hard to walk again and the pain would hit and my legs would sort of
give out, I think from the pain. Or else it's from the nerves and
muscles being affected. I don't know. On March 8, 2006, they
approved the foreclosure sale of my condo. I didn't even know it had
been foreclosed. I didn't know about the sale till the Realtor who
bought it, Rick Green, from the same agency where I had it listed,
called my listing agent and said he had bought title at the foreclosure
sale. Since I didn't know, I couldn't appeal. I had paid people over
$4,000 to do work on it to prepare it for sale. I'm sure he watched
the work being done and thought how clever he was to take advantage
of me. The judges, I think, were retaliating for the ADA case I filed
against them for not accommodating my disability. They certainly
refused to accommodate it now. They seemed, literally appeared to be
a bit pleased that they were ruling against me and having my condo go
to this Realtor. There were all sorts of due process issues, that the
judges ignored. I got so sick that I felt as if I had the flu, and that
made the whole muscle thing get bad again. The homeless doctor had
told me it's not the muscles that get bad, it's the nerves that are
damaged that cause the muscles to feel and act as they do. My kitty
left. I got so bad again that I couldn't have her on my lap, and she is
very interested in being on someone's lap. I think she found someone
who allows her, probably wants her on their lap. I'm actually relieved
that she is gone because it was so scary when she would touch my
stomach and the rippling feeling would happen that made me scared that
my back muscles would contract in that really extremely painful way
again. I feel bad that I don't miss her, because she was a very sweet
kitty, but it's such a relief to no have that feeling. If you read this
far, please would you pray that I get my condo back? I paid on it for
17 years and believed it would provide for me in my old age. I was so
depressed today. I was thinking about how if the hospital had properly
diagnosed and treated my B12 deficiency when my B12 level was 141 in
early 1997, that I would not have gotten the peripheral neuropathy and
I would have felt the broken bit of needle in my toe and I might not
have gotten tetanus. But, being deeply depressed is no fun. So I had an
extra B12 shot today. I tried to walk a bit in my garden, but my steps
are so short because my muscles are tight again. Which is why I'm
writing this, because of how stress makes this come back. I mean, I
know that the clostridia has been killed. (I've finally learned the name
of the thing that causes tetanus) but my muscles still
get tight and painful. My voice has stopped getting the old old sound.
March I got to see the Homeless Doctor because my home had been
foreclosed and I was therefore in risk of being homeless. I was very
sick again when I went to see him, I could barely walk and I was very
bent over and my voice was weird, old sounding. I had a hard time
explaining to him, but he was very patient. I took pictures of my toe
with me, so he could see some of the ways it had looked. He looked up in
his computer before he prescribed for me. He prescribed a 500mg
Metronidazol every 6 hours for 10 days. The Adult Protective
Services helper took me to the pharmacy where homeless people can get
free prescriptions, and I asked them please to hurry because I had
tetanus. I had to go sit down. I got the Metronidazol and could barely
get back to the car. I took the Metronidazol as directed and nothing
really happened for several days. I just stayed soooo sick. Meaning I
could barely move and I had to sit still in bed. But then it began to
work. I went back for a follow up visit with the doctor about on the
10th day of the prescription, and he gave me another 7 days. The stuff
tastes really ugly and the taste becomes a part of my body, it doesn’t
ever go away. But, I am so grateful for the full dose of the stuff, since
it’s what is recommended for tetanus. That’s how I felt, just soooo
grateful. Then I have another follow up appointment, but I’m not totally
forthright with the doctor because I am soooo tired of the evil taste of
the Metronidazol. I mostly tell the doctor about how much better I am.
(I am just thinking that I failed to record how a woman sent me a huge
box of oranges and grapefruit and some propolis and oil of oregano...
this was in the period when I didn’t have any antibiotic and I was still
so sick. The things she sent helped, but just could not drive out the
whole of the infection or kill the bacteria. I’m not sure. I know they
helped. But not enough to make me well. The Metronidazol made a huge
difference, a really huge difference.
Okay so now it’s August and I was exercising to get my strength back.
The doctor said that I should walk to start with. I said I was afraid of
falling since my feel were going major numb, just totally numb and that
made me feel as if they weren’t touching the floor and I felt like I was
falling. I was really afraid of being on the sidewalk and falling. He said
just walking around my garden would be fine. I was happy to walk
around my garden because if I fell out there, there was tall grass and
the earth is a lot softer than sidewalk. I got so much better that I
could do 5 minutes on my Gazelle, three times a day. I couldn’t do more
than that without the major tightening happening.
I saw the doctor again and asked him about how my stomach still felt
really scary when my kitty bumped it if she was washing herself while
sitting on my lap. It felt as if it was going to start the contractions in
my back again. He said that was the nerves, which were damaged, and
that it was a feeling having to do with the nerve damage, not with the
bacteria being about to cause contractions again. I was relieved to
hear that.
But then, about a month ago
September 7, 2005 (Wednesday): I have been meaning to illustrate as
best I can how the tetanus felt. It was a sickening feeling and unlike
anything I had ever felt before in my life.
1. The day after I got the first muscle contraction in my back, I felt my
mid-section muscles tightening and I thought it was from being cold, so
I tried exercising to loosen my muscles, but in only a few minutes I felt
as if there was cement in the lower part of my body that felt heavy and
as if it was hardening. It was a worrying feeling.
2. When I tried to take a shower in preparation for my second attempt
to get medical help from the ER, the cement feeling increased in an
extremely scary way when I needed to rinse the shampoo out of my hair
but I was already being bent over.
3. Once the cement feeling began increasing, it increased rather rapidly
and it was scary because it felt as if it would completely take over.
What my illustration doesn't show is that it bend me over. So, I was
afraid not only of the seizures coming back in my back, but I was afraid
that the cement feeling thing would go from bending me to immobilizing
me.
4. The times that it took me several minutes to get back to bed, it took
several hours for the feeling to begin to llessen.
One of the hardest things now is that when I am up too long or attempt
to do too much, the feeling comes back and it still bends me over. Before
I overdid it the day I was getting paint at Home Depot, I had worked up
to 5 minutes on my Gazelle three times a day. But after the Home
Depot day I couldn't do a minute and a half without the cement feeling
bending me which again was very worrying. I tried a minute and even
that little time brought it on.
November 19, 2005 (Saturday): When I drew the illustration I failed
to explain that I drew it because when the lawyer who was foreclosing
my home refused to hold off the sale on the courthouse steps when I
had a buyer for my rental and the money to pay off my mortgage was
only two weeks away, I had to file a Chapter 11 to preserve my home.
It took me all day to prepare the papers. When I got up to give them
to the man who was taking them to Albuquerque for me, because I'm
still in bed recovering from this tetanus, I found that the lower part
of my torso felt just the way it did during the tetanus. It felt like
figure 4.
So, it appears that intense stress has the same effect as excessive
exertion.
I think there is a general belief that the only problem someone has
when they have tetanus is a "locked jaw." But that is not at all what the
worst of it is. It "locks" all the muscles and causes extremely painful
muscle seizures in the back that are really terrifying.
June 28, 2006 (Wednesday): I wish I'd kept up writing every day.
It's hard to believe that I am still so sick so much of the time. Last
summer I was doing really well, and then when I was out getting some
things from Home Depot to fix up my rental so I could sell it, I had to
wait so long with no where to sit down that it was a lot like that time
way in the beginning when I was at Wal*Mart and kept pushing myself.
Only this time the appendicitis pain wasn't as fierce. It kept me from
being able to walk into my garden, though. By the time I got to the
edge of my deck the pain was prohibitive. It took three months of
being stuck in bed all the time for it to get better. I wish I'd written
consistently because the foreclosure thing was more complicated than
I had thought it would be. But I saved my home by Don going to
Albuquerque and filing Chapter 13 for me. Only then I had to go to the
creditors meeting and the Senior Transport was half an hour late and
the U.S. Trustee blamed me and said she would work to get my
bankruptcy dismissed. It was. But I think that if I'd known about the
hearing that was held, that it wouldn't have been dismissed. I've never
been able to get the Post Office to deliver my mail to my door, so I
only get my mail once a week, when the lady from Protective Services
comes to help me. The lady who comes now is Michelle and she is soooo
nice. She worked at Rancho Encantado a long time ago, as did I, so we
were in sync a bit when she started. She always cheers me up. But
recently, since March 8, 2006, I've been so sick again. I was able to
go out to Wal*Mart with Michelle. I could walk from the car -
Michelle would let me out at the door - to the little electric carts. It
was so fun to go out. But then I got so much worse that it was really
hard to walk again and the pain would hit and my legs would sort of
give out, I think from the pain. Or else it's from the nerves and
muscles being affected. I don't know. On March 8, 2006, they
approved the foreclosure sale of my condo. I didn't even know it had
been foreclosed. I didn't know about the sale till the Realtor who
bought it, Rick Green, from the same agency where I had it listed,
called my listing agent and said he had bought title at the foreclosure
sale. Since I didn't know, I couldn't appeal. I had paid people over
$4,000 to do work on it to prepare it for sale. I'm sure he watched
the work being done and thought how clever he was to take advantage
of me. The judges, I think, were retaliating for the ADA case I filed
against them for not accommodating my disability. They certainly
refused to accommodate it now. They seemed, literally appeared to be
a bit pleased that they were ruling against me and having my condo go
to this Realtor. There were all sorts of due process issues, that the
judges ignored. I got so sick that I felt as if I had the flu, and that
made the whole muscle thing get bad again. The homeless doctor had
told me it's not the muscles that get bad, it's the nerves that are
damaged that cause the muscles to feel and act as they do. My kitty
left. I got so bad again that I couldn't have her on my lap, and she is
very interested in being on someone's lap. I think she found someone
who allows her, probably wants her on their lap. I'm actually relieved
that she is gone because it was so scary when she would touch my
stomach and the rippling feeling would happen that made me scared that
my back muscles would contract in that really extremely painful way
again. I feel bad that I don't miss her, because she was a very sweet
kitty, but it's such a relief to no have that feeling. If you read this
far, please would you pray that I get my condo back? I paid on it for
17 years and believed it would provide for me in my old age. I was so
depressed today. I was thinking about how if the hospital had properly
diagnosed and treated my B12 deficiency when my B12 level was 141 in
early 1997, that I would not have gotten the peripheral neuropathy and
I would have felt the broken bit of needle in my toe and I might not
have gotten tetanus. But, being deeply depressed is no fun. So I had an
extra B12 shot today. I tried to walk a bit in my garden, but my steps
are so short because my muscles are tight again. Which is why I'm
writing this, because of how stress makes this come back. I mean, I
know that the clostridia has been killed. (I've finally learned the name
of the thing that causes tetanus) but my muscles still
get tight and painful. My voice has stopped getting the old old sound.
Tetanus Journal
Events Relating to Muscle Contraction Illness -- Tetanus
August 14, 2004 (Saturday): Darning needle puncture after working in
garden
August 16, 2004 (Monday): Find part of needle still in my toe; remove
August 18, 2004 (Wednesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 19, 2004 (Thursday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; Corrine brings me TBI food. (TBI is
Traumatic Brain Injury.)
August 20, 2004 (Friday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; because there wasn’t a protein source in the
TBI food, I called Bienvenites and got food from them.
August 21, 2004 (Saturday): Eat cloudy eggs from Bienvenites; very well
fried, though. (Bienvenites, in Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA, gets food
that can no longer be sold in stores because it is spoiled or has reached
its expiration date, and gives this food to those in need. Santa Fe has
one of the highest per capita ownerships of Volvos in the world because
of the number of wealthy Americans who have second homes here.
8/20/05)
August 23, 2004 (Monday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 24, 2004 (Tuesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 25, 2004 (Wednesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; line seems fainter
September 30, 2004 (Thursday): Corrine brings box of food, I get a
painful muscle contraction while carrying box in; I can’t move; Corrine
has to come and take box; I’m trembling/perspiring, maybe from shock
of pain. Was contraction from how cold my house is, and how cold I am,
or maybe the eggs.
October 1, 2004 (Friday): mid-section muscles very tight; exercise on
Gazelle makes it worse; call Alice Sisneros... she says not to come in, to
go to E.R. which has to see people who don’t have money; B12 shot to help
me not be depressed. I drive to E.R. The fact I don’t have a fever,
swelling or obvious infection in my toe, seems to make them think I’m not
sick; they see everyone who comes in after me, but not me. So I leave
because sitting there is making me feel worse, but maybe they are right
and I’m not sick.
October 2, 2004 (Saturday): Get homeopathic Ledum 30 from Vitamin
Cottage. Begin taking Ledum every three hours. p.m. call pharmacist re
symptoms: told to get antibiotics and tetanus test; call Dr. Fitzpatrick
at home: leave message re symptoms, ask for antibiotic script; do not
hear back. B12 shot.
October 3, 2004 (Sunday): can no longer lay down to sleep: muscles too
tight; when I do lay down, I get a muscle contraction when I try to sit
back up again. Nauseous. B12 shot. Ledum 30 every 3 hr.
October 4, 2004 (Monday): Nauseous; mid-section muscles tight. Ledum
every 3 hr. B12 shot. 8:30 a.m. leave for Dr.’s. Patty at Whole Life Clinic
orders tetanus test “STAT” at TriCore. 2:00 p.m. TriCore says test
takes ten days. Muscles by diaphragm are tight. 3:00 go to ER. Same as
last time: no swelling, no fever. Muscles not just tight, but cramping. Sit,
hugging my waist to control cramping.
7:00 p.m. cramping stops; feel much better. Leave E.R. go to Wal*Mart
for aspirin in case nausea was from heart having a hard time, and get
saltines because they are light... things have been too heavy, physically
heavy, for me.
October 5, 2005 (Tuesday): no longer nauseous after taking aspirin.
Muscles not cramping, still tight, but not as much. Tell Corrine not to
come over because I’m so much better. Go to sheriff’s re Returns on
summonses: get muscle twinges and sit down; go to Wal*Mart for air
mattress in case cramps are from uneven surface I’ve been sleeping on;
also get battery for my cordless phone so I can have it in bed in case I
can’t get up during the night and have to call ambulance; begin to get
major tightness and pain at Wal*Mart; pain at home like appendicitis
attack; can barely put air in mattress, fight pain to put sheets and
covers on bed. Go to bed; must sit, cannot lie down. Too sick to give
myself B12 shot.
October 6, 2004 (Wednesday): stomach muscles still feel like
appendicitis attack; can’t sit at desk because of intense discomfort. B12
shot.
October 7, 2004 (Thursday): Up early, manage to shower, write letter
and check to Whole Life Clinic, go there thinking that if I’m there they
will have to see me. Dr. Young calls me in, says to lie on examination
table. I say I haven’t lain flat in many days, but do as she says. When
she presses on my midsection muscles, they are painful. Then my back
muscles on the right side begin extremely painful contractions. Each
time one hits I scream. Whole Life Clinic calls ambulance. Many
contractions. Ambulance takes me to E.R. with IV in hand. Muscle
relaxant or pain killer put into IV. I ask how long before it will work. I
watch clock. Doctor interviews me. I explain about brain damage because
pain is making it hard to think. I am afraid I have tetanus. Doctor says I
can’t have tetanus because it is rare. Nurse says I can’t have it because
it comes from the soil. Doctor insists on psych evaluation before any
medical help (besides pain killer) is given. It takes a long time for them
to draw blood. Techs say that flow stops. Third person succeeds. I am
very thirsty and ask for something to drink. Told I can’t have anything
unless doctor agrees. I don’t get anything to drink. When blood work
comes back, it’s fine. I’m given tetanus shot and two 250 mg
Erythromycin tablets plus some loose, and script for 5 days of 250 mg
Erythromycin. Ask nurse to write down when I should take it and
Ibuprofen. I had told nurse and Dr. Bardwell that I didn’t want stronger
drug (than Ibuprofen for the pain) because I was afraid that with my
impaired balance I might fall. Nurse wrote that I should take one
Erythromycin four times a day, and Ibuprofen three times a day; taxi
coupon to get back to car. Sara calls p.m. about delivering summonses
next day.
October 8, 2004 (Friday): don’t want to go out, but summonses SO
important.
11:30 a.m. meet Sara at Dunkin Donuts parking lot; she delivers 4 but
then I start fading fast. I ask if we can go to Walgreen’s for saltines,
melatonin and so I can get B12 needles. By the time I get the needles,
the pain is intense and my muscles are so tight that I’m bent over; hard
to move from Sara’s car to mine. Pray while I’m driving home that I make
it. Go to bed. B12 shot through enormous effort.
October 12, 2004 (Tuesday): Not enough Erythromycin left... call
Wal*Mart to see if they filled it right. They say doctor wrote that I
was supposed to take three a day... (I’ve been taking 4) Sara goes to
Wal*Mart for me, for more Ibuprofen and Saltines. I have a hard time
standing up to answer door. Walking is hard and slow. Corrine comes
over; helps me by moving printer onto bedside table, scanner onto bed,
surge protector from living room to here, and by switching cord away
from where I could trip on it. Corrine arranges Home Instead: 3hr a wk.
I call Whole Life for more Erythromycin. Maricel comes over from
Home Instead to arrange caregiver. Call Wal*Mart to see if they got
script. Script is for Zithromax: $46. Call Whole Life and ask for
something cheaper. Told to buy it or not. B12 shot.
October 13, 2004 (Wednesday): Kathleen comes from Home Instead. I
call Whole Life for cheaper script. Ask Corrine to call them. Kathleen
looks at my bank account, calls Whole Life to say I don’t have money for
Zithromax at $46. New script is called in, but it’s for penicillin related
drug, and I’m allergic to penicillin. Kitchen Angels sends food. Great,
healthy food: chicken, salad, soup.
October 14, 2004 (Thursday): Feel better a.m. Up fifteen seconds
longer before stomach muscles grow worryingly tight, as if they might
set off bad contractions. Erythromycin ran out yesterday. By p.m. I no
longer feel better. B12 shot.
October 15, 2004 (Friday): Call Whole Life: script is for amoxycillin
and I’m allergic to penicillin. Dr. Young says the script is cheaper. I say
whether it’s cheaper or not, I’m allergic to penicillin. I ask for
Metronidazole which tetanus sites suggest for people allergic to
penicillin; no one to get it for me. By the time Kitchen Angels brings
food I could barely get to door, when I take food bag, it’s too heavy for
me and it falls to floor, he takes it to kitchen for me and asks, “Is there
anything else you need?” I said yes, prescription at Wal*Mart. I was too
sick to explain that new script was $4 and I had the money. Walking
from door to bed, I was in major pain, way bent over from tightness and
cramping.
October 16, 2004 (Saturday): Major cramping of midsection muscles –
much worse, except Ibuprofen keeps bad contractions from happening.
Call Mormons to get antibiotic prescription for me. Fight pain to put
money on door. Missionaries get script. Can barely stand up to go answer
door and get script from Mormons. Prescription is for two 250mg
Metronidazole a day. Site said 500 mg, 4 times a day. Right thigh hurts...
B12 shot, hope it helps.
October 17, 2004 (Sunday): very sick with tight muscles, cramping.
Hope it gets better. Right thigh hurts a lot, but not in the sunburn way.
October 18, 2004 (Monday): very sick with tight muscles, cramping;
standing up a few seconds while Kathleen changes sheet puts major
strain on muscles; cramping sensation very scary. Right thigh hurts: 25
or more stabbing pains all at once. B12 shot.
October 19, 2004 (Tuesday): tight muscles, hard to stand; an inch of
water in Brita pitcher makes it so heavy for me that side muscles twinge
as if the extremely painful contractions will start in my back. Diane
from Kitchen Angels comes over; she’s nice, but answering her and
explaining, my muscles get much tighter, even up to diaphragm ones. I
tell her that ER Doctor said I couldn’t have tetanus. Sara comes at
1:30, she wants me to do everything. She says she won’t finish summons
returns. My muscles so much tighter that they hurt. I take Ibuprofen 1
hr. early; neck stiff, eyes burn. B12 shot.
October 20, 2004 (Wednesday): tight muscles, hard to stand up, Brita
pitcher still feels very heavy with inch of water in it. Kitty sitting on
lap, washing herself, bumps my tummy muscles three times and my back
muscles started rippling like they did before the extremely painful
contractions when the ambulance took me to the E.R.
October 21, 2004 (Thursday): tight muscles, painful to stand. Thinking
about how bad I got while Diane from Kitchen Angels was here. Even
though she was really nice – the stress made my muscles worse. Sara,
later, made tightness of muscles so much worse I took Ibuprofen an hour
early. But throat got sore, eyes burned, and Ibuprofen didn’t help.
Soooo, I try to be as relaxed as possible to see if that helps muscles.
B12 shot.
October 22, 2004 (Friday): Can’t sleep – write masses of emails early
a.m. Muscles still so tight: can’t stand up straight, have to sleep sitting
up... Sooo, I concentrate on relaxing muscles. It worries me that I’m not
back to being as good as I was before I was without the antibiotic for
some days... I’m still much worse than I was last week on Thursday. Right
thigh is so piercingly painful.
October 23, 2004 (Saturday): Right thigh feels as if so many knives are
stabbing it. Stomach muscles very uncomfortably tight, neck stiff,
couldn’t bend to give kitty Fancy Feast treat; put it on unused table,
but kitty didn’t find it; made me sad. But I’m not as bad as I was a week
ago yesterday; still, I can’t be up 5 min. without feeling the cramping is
bringing the painful muscle contractions ... B12 shot.
October 24, 2004 (Sunday): Woken repeatedly by pain in right thigh.
But when I get up, it’s the longest I’m able to be up before the cramping
sends me back to bed, since over a week ago... I made a cup of coffee
from start to finish. But, it took half an hour for my muscles to feel
good enough for me to let the kitty out. She’s been major patient. She
used to meow several times each day for a treat. Now she hasn’t meowed
for a treat in weeks. She watches me when it takes me so long to stand
up, and to walk. It’s like she can actually see a difference from before.
The first time I get up each day, I’m the best. After that it takes an
hour to regain enough strength to do about half as much... and it goes
down hill all day... Lots of my hair is falling out again, too. B12 shot.
October 25, 2004 (Monday): Up at 5 to take antibiotic. Right thigh is
not as painful as yesterday. (I am reminded that the right side of my
body is where Dr. Baten found the slowing when he tested my nerves... so
maybe the nerves there are not so well to begin with, and that’s why the
contractions happened on my right side...) 6 a.m. make cup of coffee and
let kitty out, so I am better today than yesterday when I couldn’t do
both things. Kathleen a major help, gets food, vitamin C, crock pot,
stamps, ink, envelopes and mails Motion for Enlargement of Time in all
pending cases. She brings mail in. ER records are worryingly inaccurate
about salient things. Call hospital about how to complain about this... talk
to Mary Casious. Patty at Whole Life says Dr. Young thought I had
appendicitis... I say I had my appendix out as child. She says maybe
hyperbaric chamber will help. I find this suggestion VERY WORRYING.
(If just touching my stomach made me have the extremely painful back
muscle seizures on October 7, then what would happen if the air
pressure changed all around me? I thought the pressure would cause
more extremely painful muscle contractions. 8/20/05)
October 26, 2004 (Tuesday): pain in right thigh wakes me at 6 a.m.,
makes me cry out it’s so sharp and intense (this is the thigh that used to
feel badly sunburned alternating with numb – on the side that Dr.
Baten’s tests showed had slowing of nerve impluses). Have only one
Metronidazol left: take it at 7 a.m. Make coffee and let kitty out. I feel
less sick, besides being a little stronger and it taking a little longer for
the cramping to start. Try to get right up and make second cup of
coffee, but that’s too much and I have to go back to bed without
finishing. Sleep a lot of the day; hopeful that Whole Life Clinic will call
in a Metronidazol prescription. Take Ledum at 9 p.m. Ibuprofen ongoing
schedule: 10:30 p.m. (600mg)
October 27, 2004 (Wednesday): 5 a.m. Ledum; then slept till 7, so took
Ibuprofen half an hour late. Waited 35 minutes for it to work, then got
up to make coffee; could not complete job without going back to bed.
Call Whole Life Clinic: say I got mail from them that was sent to my old
address, I say that my new address is on the letters I sent them; I ask
how much longer I should be taking/needing Ibuprofen, they say they
talked to Alan Graham and to ask him... I’m shocked. I say they had my
address wrong, they prescribed penicillin when I’m allergic to it; and that
they said I had appendicitis when I had my appendix out as a child. Janis
says to call Alan Graham and hangs up. I call her back and tell her that
discussing my medical situation with him, without a release, is illegal.
October 28, 2004 (Thursday): Out of Ledum... Call Kerry campaign
and say that I will donate $25 if someone can pick it up and bring me
Ledum from Vitamin Cottage at the same time. Also out of B12 needles,
but that seems to complicated to try to deal with at the same time, i.e.
in one errand for the $25 donation. Muscles seem more tight, but I’m
also very worried and stressed so maybe that is why neck feels so much
tighter, and mouth.
October 29, 2004 (Friday): Muscles very tight. Hard to be up for even
the shortest amount of time. Muscles so tight they cause me to bend
over when I’m up. Feel like I need to get more B12 needles. Kerry
campaign sounds doubtful when I mention B12 needles for a donation...
so I call Home Instead and agree to pay for three hours so I can have
someone get me some more B12 needles. I relax a lot after I have the
needles and a B12 shot. By midnight muscles seem a bit less tight.
October 30, 2004 (Saturday): Muscles a little less tight; able to sit in
chair and soak foot in Epsom salts for 20 minutes, a few times – have
hour rest in between. Red line seems a lot less bright. B12 shot; also still
taking Ledum. By 7p.m. muscles feel less tight and I’m so happy about
that. I can bend enough to turn the electric heater on, though doing so
feels as if I’m pushing the envelope.
October 31, 2004 (Sunday): Woken by intense, extreme pain in right
thigh. Feels like a million blood vessels broke; but when pain subsides,
I turn on light: my thigh doesn’t look different; muscles in it feel
lumpy. Maybe the pain is from them tightening like my stomach, side and
back muscles tighten, only because my thigh is so often numb, maybe the
pain shocks through the numbness or something... Now when I touch it,
the muscles are sore like my stomach muscles were sore after they’d
been tight. Maybe the extreme pain in my thigh is the muscles
contracting, only it feels different from my back muscles contracting
because of my thigh being numb (peripheral neuropathy). Certainly the
pain is extreme and makes me scream like the muscle contractions in my
back did. I haven’t touched my stomach muscles in ages because I’m
afraid I’ll bring on those horrible muscle contractions in my back. My
hospital records show tests for all kinds of illegal drugs, but no B12 or
folate test. Maybe when Dr. Raboff said my blood work looked good, all
he meant was that I hadn’t been taking illegal drugs; that’s worrying if
he thought the problem was illegal drugs and didn’t look at the real
problems, like my tight muscles and the contractions in my back. I think
I better go there today, because if the extreme pain in my thigh is
related to tetanus, then maybe I still haven’t had enough antibiotic: Dr.
Raboff prescribed a small amount, then it took several days to get
more, and then that amount was only a quarter of what tetanus web
sites recommend. Luckily I was able to get twice that amount... so in the
end on the second course I had about half of what is recommended. The
trouble with going to the hospital is that I’ll have to call an ambulance
since not only haven’t I been up but a few minutes a day, if the intense
pain happened while I was driving, it could cause an accident. Another
problem is that if the hospital is invested in being right, then they will
not look at my symptoms this time either, and they won’t actually do
what is needed to help... I will take this “journal” with me, and the actual
needle on the paper I taped it to. Also worrying: the hospital apparently
decided I was paranoid... and again, just like May, 1997, focused on me
being psychologically rather than physically sick. I think that on
October 7, 2004, my hospital created history, my TBI (traumatic brain
injury) and how extremely irritable I was worked against me. The pain
was so severe that it depleted me. I was angry that I am in poverty; I
am sure I could still be a Realtor if the hospital had identified my B12
problem in May, 1997, and had treated it. I already knew at that time
that my mother had pernicious anemia; I just didn’t know that pernicious
anemia can be hereditary. So, my anger at the hospital’s negligence
regarding my B12 in 1997, caused me to be angry and fearful that the
same thing would happen again... and it did. Today, this “journal” can
speak rationally about what has been going on physically with me:
muscle tightness that reduces after antibiotics, but which returns when
the small courses of antibiotics run out. I’ll put my prescription bottles
in my purse now.
Events Relating to Muscle Contraction Illness -- Tetanus
August 14, 2004 (Saturday): Darning needle puncture after working in
garden
August 16, 2004 (Monday): Find part of needle still in my toe; remove
August 18, 2004 (Wednesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 19, 2004 (Thursday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; Corrine brings me TBI food. (TBI is
Traumatic Brain Injury.)
August 20, 2004 (Friday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; because there wasn’t a protein source in the
TBI food, I called Bienvenites and got food from them.
August 21, 2004 (Saturday): Eat cloudy eggs from Bienvenites; very well
fried, though. (Bienvenites, in Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA, gets food
that can no longer be sold in stores because it is spoiled or has reached
its expiration date, and gives this food to those in need. Santa Fe has
one of the highest per capita ownerships of Volvos in the world because
of the number of wealthy Americans who have second homes here.
8/20/05)
August 23, 2004 (Monday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 24, 2004 (Tuesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C
August 25, 2004 (Wednesday): red line under toenail; soak foot in Epsom
salts; take masses of vit. C; line seems fainter
September 30, 2004 (Thursday): Corrine brings box of food, I get a
painful muscle contraction while carrying box in; I can’t move; Corrine
has to come and take box; I’m trembling/perspiring, maybe from shock
of pain. Was contraction from how cold my house is, and how cold I am,
or maybe the eggs.
October 1, 2004 (Friday): mid-section muscles very tight; exercise on
Gazelle makes it worse; call Alice Sisneros... she says not to come in, to
go to E.R. which has to see people who don’t have money; B12 shot to help
me not be depressed. I drive to E.R. The fact I don’t have a fever,
swelling or obvious infection in my toe, seems to make them think I’m not
sick; they see everyone who comes in after me, but not me. So I leave
because sitting there is making me feel worse, but maybe they are right
and I’m not sick.
October 2, 2004 (Saturday): Get homeopathic Ledum 30 from Vitamin
Cottage. Begin taking Ledum every three hours. p.m. call pharmacist re
symptoms: told to get antibiotics and tetanus test; call Dr. Fitzpatrick
at home: leave message re symptoms, ask for antibiotic script; do not
hear back. B12 shot.
October 3, 2004 (Sunday): can no longer lay down to sleep: muscles too
tight; when I do lay down, I get a muscle contraction when I try to sit
back up again. Nauseous. B12 shot. Ledum 30 every 3 hr.
October 4, 2004 (Monday): Nauseous; mid-section muscles tight. Ledum
every 3 hr. B12 shot. 8:30 a.m. leave for Dr.’s. Patty at Whole Life Clinic
orders tetanus test “STAT” at TriCore. 2:00 p.m. TriCore says test
takes ten days. Muscles by diaphragm are tight. 3:00 go to ER. Same as
last time: no swelling, no fever. Muscles not just tight, but cramping. Sit,
hugging my waist to control cramping.
7:00 p.m. cramping stops; feel much better. Leave E.R. go to Wal*Mart
for aspirin in case nausea was from heart having a hard time, and get
saltines because they are light... things have been too heavy, physically
heavy, for me.
October 5, 2005 (Tuesday): no longer nauseous after taking aspirin.
Muscles not cramping, still tight, but not as much. Tell Corrine not to
come over because I’m so much better. Go to sheriff’s re Returns on
summonses: get muscle twinges and sit down; go to Wal*Mart for air
mattress in case cramps are from uneven surface I’ve been sleeping on;
also get battery for my cordless phone so I can have it in bed in case I
can’t get up during the night and have to call ambulance; begin to get
major tightness and pain at Wal*Mart; pain at home like appendicitis
attack; can barely put air in mattress, fight pain to put sheets and
covers on bed. Go to bed; must sit, cannot lie down. Too sick to give
myself B12 shot.
October 6, 2004 (Wednesday): stomach muscles still feel like
appendicitis attack; can’t sit at desk because of intense discomfort. B12
shot.
October 7, 2004 (Thursday): Up early, manage to shower, write letter
and check to Whole Life Clinic, go there thinking that if I’m there they
will have to see me. Dr. Young calls me in, says to lie on examination
table. I say I haven’t lain flat in many days, but do as she says. When
she presses on my midsection muscles, they are painful. Then my back
muscles on the right side begin extremely painful contractions. Each
time one hits I scream. Whole Life Clinic calls ambulance. Many
contractions. Ambulance takes me to E.R. with IV in hand. Muscle
relaxant or pain killer put into IV. I ask how long before it will work. I
watch clock. Doctor interviews me. I explain about brain damage because
pain is making it hard to think. I am afraid I have tetanus. Doctor says I
can’t have tetanus because it is rare. Nurse says I can’t have it because
it comes from the soil. Doctor insists on psych evaluation before any
medical help (besides pain killer) is given. It takes a long time for them
to draw blood. Techs say that flow stops. Third person succeeds. I am
very thirsty and ask for something to drink. Told I can’t have anything
unless doctor agrees. I don’t get anything to drink. When blood work
comes back, it’s fine. I’m given tetanus shot and two 250 mg
Erythromycin tablets plus some loose, and script for 5 days of 250 mg
Erythromycin. Ask nurse to write down when I should take it and
Ibuprofen. I had told nurse and Dr. Bardwell that I didn’t want stronger
drug (than Ibuprofen for the pain) because I was afraid that with my
impaired balance I might fall. Nurse wrote that I should take one
Erythromycin four times a day, and Ibuprofen three times a day; taxi
coupon to get back to car. Sara calls p.m. about delivering summonses
next day.
October 8, 2004 (Friday): don’t want to go out, but summonses SO
important.
11:30 a.m. meet Sara at Dunkin Donuts parking lot; she delivers 4 but
then I start fading fast. I ask if we can go to Walgreen’s for saltines,
melatonin and so I can get B12 needles. By the time I get the needles,
the pain is intense and my muscles are so tight that I’m bent over; hard
to move from Sara’s car to mine. Pray while I’m driving home that I make
it. Go to bed. B12 shot through enormous effort.
October 12, 2004 (Tuesday): Not enough Erythromycin left... call
Wal*Mart to see if they filled it right. They say doctor wrote that I
was supposed to take three a day... (I’ve been taking 4) Sara goes to
Wal*Mart for me, for more Ibuprofen and Saltines. I have a hard time
standing up to answer door. Walking is hard and slow. Corrine comes
over; helps me by moving printer onto bedside table, scanner onto bed,
surge protector from living room to here, and by switching cord away
from where I could trip on it. Corrine arranges Home Instead: 3hr a wk.
I call Whole Life for more Erythromycin. Maricel comes over from
Home Instead to arrange caregiver. Call Wal*Mart to see if they got
script. Script is for Zithromax: $46. Call Whole Life and ask for
something cheaper. Told to buy it or not. B12 shot.
October 13, 2004 (Wednesday): Kathleen comes from Home Instead. I
call Whole Life for cheaper script. Ask Corrine to call them. Kathleen
looks at my bank account, calls Whole Life to say I don’t have money for
Zithromax at $46. New script is called in, but it’s for penicillin related
drug, and I’m allergic to penicillin. Kitchen Angels sends food. Great,
healthy food: chicken, salad, soup.
October 14, 2004 (Thursday): Feel better a.m. Up fifteen seconds
longer before stomach muscles grow worryingly tight, as if they might
set off bad contractions. Erythromycin ran out yesterday. By p.m. I no
longer feel better. B12 shot.
October 15, 2004 (Friday): Call Whole Life: script is for amoxycillin
and I’m allergic to penicillin. Dr. Young says the script is cheaper. I say
whether it’s cheaper or not, I’m allergic to penicillin. I ask for
Metronidazole which tetanus sites suggest for people allergic to
penicillin; no one to get it for me. By the time Kitchen Angels brings
food I could barely get to door, when I take food bag, it’s too heavy for
me and it falls to floor, he takes it to kitchen for me and asks, “Is there
anything else you need?” I said yes, prescription at Wal*Mart. I was too
sick to explain that new script was $4 and I had the money. Walking
from door to bed, I was in major pain, way bent over from tightness and
cramping.
October 16, 2004 (Saturday): Major cramping of midsection muscles –
much worse, except Ibuprofen keeps bad contractions from happening.
Call Mormons to get antibiotic prescription for me. Fight pain to put
money on door. Missionaries get script. Can barely stand up to go answer
door and get script from Mormons. Prescription is for two 250mg
Metronidazole a day. Site said 500 mg, 4 times a day. Right thigh hurts...
B12 shot, hope it helps.
October 17, 2004 (Sunday): very sick with tight muscles, cramping.
Hope it gets better. Right thigh hurts a lot, but not in the sunburn way.
October 18, 2004 (Monday): very sick with tight muscles, cramping;
standing up a few seconds while Kathleen changes sheet puts major
strain on muscles; cramping sensation very scary. Right thigh hurts: 25
or more stabbing pains all at once. B12 shot.
October 19, 2004 (Tuesday): tight muscles, hard to stand; an inch of
water in Brita pitcher makes it so heavy for me that side muscles twinge
as if the extremely painful contractions will start in my back. Diane
from Kitchen Angels comes over; she’s nice, but answering her and
explaining, my muscles get much tighter, even up to diaphragm ones. I
tell her that ER Doctor said I couldn’t have tetanus. Sara comes at
1:30, she wants me to do everything. She says she won’t finish summons
returns. My muscles so much tighter that they hurt. I take Ibuprofen 1
hr. early; neck stiff, eyes burn. B12 shot.
October 20, 2004 (Wednesday): tight muscles, hard to stand up, Brita
pitcher still feels very heavy with inch of water in it. Kitty sitting on
lap, washing herself, bumps my tummy muscles three times and my back
muscles started rippling like they did before the extremely painful
contractions when the ambulance took me to the E.R.
October 21, 2004 (Thursday): tight muscles, painful to stand. Thinking
about how bad I got while Diane from Kitchen Angels was here. Even
though she was really nice – the stress made my muscles worse. Sara,
later, made tightness of muscles so much worse I took Ibuprofen an hour
early. But throat got sore, eyes burned, and Ibuprofen didn’t help.
Soooo, I try to be as relaxed as possible to see if that helps muscles.
B12 shot.
October 22, 2004 (Friday): Can’t sleep – write masses of emails early
a.m. Muscles still so tight: can’t stand up straight, have to sleep sitting
up... Sooo, I concentrate on relaxing muscles. It worries me that I’m not
back to being as good as I was before I was without the antibiotic for
some days... I’m still much worse than I was last week on Thursday. Right
thigh is so piercingly painful.
October 23, 2004 (Saturday): Right thigh feels as if so many knives are
stabbing it. Stomach muscles very uncomfortably tight, neck stiff,
couldn’t bend to give kitty Fancy Feast treat; put it on unused table,
but kitty didn’t find it; made me sad. But I’m not as bad as I was a week
ago yesterday; still, I can’t be up 5 min. without feeling the cramping is
bringing the painful muscle contractions ... B12 shot.
October 24, 2004 (Sunday): Woken repeatedly by pain in right thigh.
But when I get up, it’s the longest I’m able to be up before the cramping
sends me back to bed, since over a week ago... I made a cup of coffee
from start to finish. But, it took half an hour for my muscles to feel
good enough for me to let the kitty out. She’s been major patient. She
used to meow several times each day for a treat. Now she hasn’t meowed
for a treat in weeks. She watches me when it takes me so long to stand
up, and to walk. It’s like she can actually see a difference from before.
The first time I get up each day, I’m the best. After that it takes an
hour to regain enough strength to do about half as much... and it goes
down hill all day... Lots of my hair is falling out again, too. B12 shot.
October 25, 2004 (Monday): Up at 5 to take antibiotic. Right thigh is
not as painful as yesterday. (I am reminded that the right side of my
body is where Dr. Baten found the slowing when he tested my nerves... so
maybe the nerves there are not so well to begin with, and that’s why the
contractions happened on my right side...) 6 a.m. make cup of coffee and
let kitty out, so I am better today than yesterday when I couldn’t do
both things. Kathleen a major help, gets food, vitamin C, crock pot,
stamps, ink, envelopes and mails Motion for Enlargement of Time in all
pending cases. She brings mail in. ER records are worryingly inaccurate
about salient things. Call hospital about how to complain about this... talk
to Mary Casious. Patty at Whole Life says Dr. Young thought I had
appendicitis... I say I had my appendix out as child. She says maybe
hyperbaric chamber will help. I find this suggestion VERY WORRYING.
(If just touching my stomach made me have the extremely painful back
muscle seizures on October 7, then what would happen if the air
pressure changed all around me? I thought the pressure would cause
more extremely painful muscle contractions. 8/20/05)
October 26, 2004 (Tuesday): pain in right thigh wakes me at 6 a.m.,
makes me cry out it’s so sharp and intense (this is the thigh that used to
feel badly sunburned alternating with numb – on the side that Dr.
Baten’s tests showed had slowing of nerve impluses). Have only one
Metronidazol left: take it at 7 a.m. Make coffee and let kitty out. I feel
less sick, besides being a little stronger and it taking a little longer for
the cramping to start. Try to get right up and make second cup of
coffee, but that’s too much and I have to go back to bed without
finishing. Sleep a lot of the day; hopeful that Whole Life Clinic will call
in a Metronidazol prescription. Take Ledum at 9 p.m. Ibuprofen ongoing
schedule: 10:30 p.m. (600mg)
October 27, 2004 (Wednesday): 5 a.m. Ledum; then slept till 7, so took
Ibuprofen half an hour late. Waited 35 minutes for it to work, then got
up to make coffee; could not complete job without going back to bed.
Call Whole Life Clinic: say I got mail from them that was sent to my old
address, I say that my new address is on the letters I sent them; I ask
how much longer I should be taking/needing Ibuprofen, they say they
talked to Alan Graham and to ask him... I’m shocked. I say they had my
address wrong, they prescribed penicillin when I’m allergic to it; and that
they said I had appendicitis when I had my appendix out as a child. Janis
says to call Alan Graham and hangs up. I call her back and tell her that
discussing my medical situation with him, without a release, is illegal.
October 28, 2004 (Thursday): Out of Ledum... Call Kerry campaign
and say that I will donate $25 if someone can pick it up and bring me
Ledum from Vitamin Cottage at the same time. Also out of B12 needles,
but that seems to complicated to try to deal with at the same time, i.e.
in one errand for the $25 donation. Muscles seem more tight, but I’m
also very worried and stressed so maybe that is why neck feels so much
tighter, and mouth.
October 29, 2004 (Friday): Muscles very tight. Hard to be up for even
the shortest amount of time. Muscles so tight they cause me to bend
over when I’m up. Feel like I need to get more B12 needles. Kerry
campaign sounds doubtful when I mention B12 needles for a donation...
so I call Home Instead and agree to pay for three hours so I can have
someone get me some more B12 needles. I relax a lot after I have the
needles and a B12 shot. By midnight muscles seem a bit less tight.
October 30, 2004 (Saturday): Muscles a little less tight; able to sit in
chair and soak foot in Epsom salts for 20 minutes, a few times – have
hour rest in between. Red line seems a lot less bright. B12 shot; also still
taking Ledum. By 7p.m. muscles feel less tight and I’m so happy about
that. I can bend enough to turn the electric heater on, though doing so
feels as if I’m pushing the envelope.
October 31, 2004 (Sunday): Woken by intense, extreme pain in right
thigh. Feels like a million blood vessels broke; but when pain subsides,
I turn on light: my thigh doesn’t look different; muscles in it feel
lumpy. Maybe the pain is from them tightening like my stomach, side and
back muscles tighten, only because my thigh is so often numb, maybe the
pain shocks through the numbness or something... Now when I touch it,
the muscles are sore like my stomach muscles were sore after they’d
been tight. Maybe the extreme pain in my thigh is the muscles
contracting, only it feels different from my back muscles contracting
because of my thigh being numb (peripheral neuropathy). Certainly the
pain is extreme and makes me scream like the muscle contractions in my
back did. I haven’t touched my stomach muscles in ages because I’m
afraid I’ll bring on those horrible muscle contractions in my back. My
hospital records show tests for all kinds of illegal drugs, but no B12 or
folate test. Maybe when Dr. Raboff said my blood work looked good, all
he meant was that I hadn’t been taking illegal drugs; that’s worrying if
he thought the problem was illegal drugs and didn’t look at the real
problems, like my tight muscles and the contractions in my back. I think
I better go there today, because if the extreme pain in my thigh is
related to tetanus, then maybe I still haven’t had enough antibiotic: Dr.
Raboff prescribed a small amount, then it took several days to get
more, and then that amount was only a quarter of what tetanus web
sites recommend. Luckily I was able to get twice that amount... so in the
end on the second course I had about half of what is recommended. The
trouble with going to the hospital is that I’ll have to call an ambulance
since not only haven’t I been up but a few minutes a day, if the intense
pain happened while I was driving, it could cause an accident. Another
problem is that if the hospital is invested in being right, then they will
not look at my symptoms this time either, and they won’t actually do
what is needed to help... I will take this “journal” with me, and the actual
needle on the paper I taped it to. Also worrying: the hospital apparently
decided I was paranoid... and again, just like May, 1997, focused on me
being psychologically rather than physically sick. I think that on
October 7, 2004, my hospital created history, my TBI (traumatic brain
injury) and how extremely irritable I was worked against me. The pain
was so severe that it depleted me. I was angry that I am in poverty; I
am sure I could still be a Realtor if the hospital had identified my B12
problem in May, 1997, and had treated it. I already knew at that time
that my mother had pernicious anemia; I just didn’t know that pernicious
anemia can be hereditary. So, my anger at the hospital’s negligence
regarding my B12 in 1997, caused me to be angry and fearful that the
same thing would happen again... and it did. Today, this “journal” can
speak rationally about what has been going on physically with me:
muscle tightness that reduces after antibiotics, but which returns when
the small courses of antibiotics run out. I’ll put my prescription bottles
in my purse now.
November 1, 2004 (Monday): Hospital put me down so bad yesterday. I
explained some to Jill (the therapist I had been seeing through the
Department of Vocational Rehab and Alan Graham) by email last night
when I was afraid to go to sleep because of the contraction in my thigh
yesterday a.m. Hand held phone battery dead. Today, while there’s
significant sharp pain in my thigh, the contraction thing which is so much
more severe didn’t happen. Corrine came over because she couldn’t reach
me by phone. I’d forgotten to connect the cord phone after I took the
hand held to recharge. I told her that I can take bigger steps now. She
asked, “Full sized ones?” I said no, not at all. And I said I still can’t
step over the phone cord where it’s raised a few inches from the floor.
I told her about the ER visit and how they never even touched my toe.
I showed her the crock pot I’ve been using to soak my foot so the water
can be warm. I thanked her for Kathleen from Home Instead. I told her
that I’d tried to put the remaining summonses together but that I
couldn’t stand long enough to organize them. I showed her the returns
from the summonses that Sara delivered, and I explained what still
needs to be done.
November 2, 2004 (Tuesday): Open and read ballot; need number 2
pencil. Put number 2 pencils on my shopping list for Kathleen. Kathleen
comes, is great as usual. She goes to bank and Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart is
out of CDs for developed film. She does bring back B12 needles. Then
she takes ballot to county clerk and 3 returns to file at district court.
B12 shot. Watch voting results till early a.m. I don’t want to go to sleep
for fear of the contractions in my right thigh. Muscles in thigh are
really lumpy/hard and are sore to the touch. Eat raw garlic (Kathleen
bought it) hoping it works like antibiotic on toe.
November 3, 2004 (Wednesday): intense pain in right thigh, early a.m.
wakes me. It’s very scary because I know I can’t go to ER because they
said I couldn’t come back. While the pain is very bad, it isn’t actually
that of a contraction. I keep calming myself so the contractions don’t
happen. Get a couple more hours sleep. Soak my foot a total of a little
over 2 hours. Start taking arnica to see if that helps muscles stop being
so tight. Take less Ledum because there seems to be improvement... eat
raw garlic... pretty intense. B12 shot.
November 4, 2004 (Thursday): pain in thigh woke me early a.m. again,
but it wasn’t a contraction. After awhile got more sleep. When I got up,
later, I could fill the Brita pitcher without the weight making my right
back muscles feel like they would start contracting. Decide to try going
down to 2 Ibuprofen every 8 hours, instead of 3. I’ve been worried
about the amount of Ibuprofen I’ve been taking... for nearly a month,
now. Bending to change the heat setting on the oil filled radiator didn’t
feel like it was stressing my muscles this morning. My voice is
consistently stronger today, and my diaphragm muscles don’t feel as
tight. Eat garlic with bologna and american cheese slices. Not quite so
intense; eat several cloves. By 7:30 p.m. I’m feeling worse, more like
last week. I’m missing the extra Ibuprofen and decide I will take three
to get me through the night. I wonder if I can make it till 11:30.
Despite feeling bad, I soaked my foot for an hour this evening. Taking
arnica every 6 hours; Ledum every 12 hours.
November 5, 2004 (Friday): red lines just as prominent in the a.m. as
yesterday a.m. Pain in thigh intermittent, intense, like thigh is being shot
with broken glass. Try vitamin B12 shot in thigh, feels weird because of
numbness—when I pinch thigh to make thicker place to give shot, thigh
feels really foreign. Several hours later, early evening, try a second
shot. Ate garlic during the day. Also took a lot of vitamin C – I’ve been
forgetting to record that... about a dozen 500 mg two or three times a
day. Kathleen got another huge bottle on Tuesday. Go to Ledum and
arnica every 8 hours, but not on the same hour. Tightening of muscles
doesn’t seem to happen quite as quickly. Feel I should work on my web
pages but doing so causes my muscles to tighten badly so that there
begins to be pain. Soak foot... red lines decreased by soaking.
November 6, 2004 (Saturday): good telly day on channel 5. Easier to
just be in bed when there are interesting things to watch: home and
cooking shows. From having joined health forums I’m beginning to
understand that people with fibromyalgia have wide spread pain... and
what I have is most often the tightening that I know from the day I
didn’t give into it and it turned into an appendix feeling pain, I can’t
ignore... that was October 5. Realize I should find better ways of
describing the tightening, and not be calling it pain, even though I
realize it is the beginning of the appendix type pain, but only if I try to
ignore the stiffening. Also the longer I ignore the stiffening, the longer
it takes to recover to the point I was before it started, but not in the
sense of one minute equals one minute, more like 5 seconds equals 10
minutes... Feel like thigh is a little better. Do two B12 shots again. Thigh
still feels really foreign when I touch it because it’s so numb and also
lumpy feeling, tight. My other tight muscles don’t seem to feel lumpy.
Arnica, ledum, vitamin C, garlic.
November 7, 2004 (Sunday): Talked to Linda. All of a sudden began
trembling. Said I had to go; took ages for the trembling to stop. I think
it was from pushing myself after I’d gotten tired – even something as
simple as just talking is exhausting.
November 8, 2004 (Monday): pain in thigh less intense. Soak foot and
put wet, warm Epsom salt towel on thigh. Get radiator half way to
bathroom w/shower; but then finishing making cup of coffee makes back
muscles really tight – I press on them to make them feel better. While I
was soaking my foot, I thought of lots of things I need to do, but now I
can’t remember. It takes sooo much time to soak my foot, and rest and
soak my foot. After I finish it seems like there’s less evidence of
infection, but hours later or next day, it looks red and it’s painful if I
press where it’s red. By 1:30 p.m. I’ve managed to move the radiator all
the way into the bathroom. It took three applications of time and
effort, and the last time I made myself finish even though my muscles
were getting not only tight but painful in the way the major pain that
started that day when I went to the sheriffs and pushed myself too
hard. So now I’ll have to rest in order to be able to stand long enough
to take a shower.
November 9, 2004 (Tuesday): red lines going down toe now. Show them
to Kathleen, can she see them? She says yes. Over night, use cotton
wool compress ( ½ cup Epsom salts and ½ cup hot water) on my toe with
ThermaCare heating things (that Kathleen bought) to keep it warm,
with a sock to hold it in place.
November 10, 2004 (Wednesday): lines have receded; muscle pain
takes longer to start after I’m up. I can be up about ten minutes first
thing in the morning... then less long after a rest. I only took 2
Ibuprofen early this morning, about 1:00 a.m. and none again till this
evening at 8:30 p.m. when my muscles were really uncomfortable when
I wanted to get a cup of green tea. I spent many hours today soaking
my foot in the hopes of the red lines going totally away. My toe was
painful today when I brushed it, as if something were in it and sticking
out, like a splinter. So maybe that’s the infection being drawn out by
all the Epsom salt soaking. Will use cotton wool compress ( ½ cup Epsom
salts and ½ cup hot water) on my toe with ThermaCare heating things to
keep it warm over night, with a sock to hold it in place.
November 11, 2004 (Thursday): Headache and stiff neck. Neck feels as
if I’m getting mumps; wonder if that’s from using less Ibuprofen. Take
two Ibuprofen at 8:00 a.m. 12:30 p.m. my neck is still stiff and feeling
mump-like I wish I didn’t have to rely on Epsom salts to get rid of the
infection in my toe, if that’s what’s making the redness and red lines.
November 12, 2004 (Friday): Kathleen comes again... idea was to get
legal stuff done, but it took me forever to explain things to her, I just
could not keep on track and be clear. I said, “We’re doomed,” because
not enough got done. But there was no way to change it. Part of problem
was that I didn’t plan out today, yesterday. Felt too bad yesterday.
November 13, 2004 (Saturday): good channel 5 t.v. day. Wonder how
much worse I’m going to feel. Look up horoscope to see if I have a death
type transit coming up. Luckily, not. Interesting, day accident happened,
horoscope said, “Your assertive energy and individual expression are
challenged by the planet of freedom, rebellion and sudden change.
Obviously, this transit calls for lots of flexibility on your part. It could
be a very busy time when you feel like the pile of work just never gets
done, you don’t have any free time, there’s no respite. You feel restless,
tense, in need of a break, but are suppressing those feelings and
doggedly persisting in your treadmill. Watch out! This is how accidents
happen! Severely internalized tensions can also result in health issues
that require surgery... What the Universe is asking you to do, here, is to
confront yourself and recognize your own needs to be individual, to be
free, to be able to do the things you really like to do, and to be able to
stick up for yourself when necessary. Face up to your needs and take
positive steps to assert them, and this transit can result in very
beneficial and creative changes that will make you feel more alive and
free than you’ve been in a long time.” September 30, the first
contraction day, was interesting, too. The only transit that day, said,
“This is a long-term pattern indicating a need to consider carefully
when and where to go ‘full speed ahead’ as opposed to cautious planning.
You might swing between pushing too hard (and being blocked or
frustrated by life or authority figures) versus giving up and not
trying. Yet, a middle position allows you to consider carefully what
must be done, then put great energy into working within the ‘rules of
the game’ to achieve your personal desires. The key is to identify
something you WANT to do that you CAN do—and do it. Clashes with
father or other authorities are possible until you solidly understand
and use your own inner authority and expertise. Control of self is
desirable — unless it goes to extremes. Positive expressions include
putting lots of yourself into your work, being independent in your
career, planning sensibly and then acting confidently.” Pretty happy
there are no death days... So while I feel pretty bad, and have been
feeling bad... I think I’ll get well.
November 14, 2004 (Sunday): call Susan Waters and talk for a little
bit. Get angry when Susan talks as if I’m not really very sick, or
wouldn’t be if I thought differently about this. I say I shouldn’t have
called because I just feel too bad. Thigh is way better than ER day,
but could be better still.
November 15, 2004 (Monday): some pretty fierce pain in thigh. Sitting
in bed, watching telly when major incontinence hits. Stay in bathroom a
quite long time, and keep returning to avoid more to clean up. Luckily
Kathleen had shown me how to change the sheets most easy way. (good
thing is I find an envelope with granting of US Appeals Court
enlargement of time.) Pretty scared. Had thought that incontinence
first ER day, after I was home, was from the pain killer or muscle
relaxant in the IV. Now worry it’s serious part of disease. Each
relapse has been so much worse. Hope this isn’t major relapse. Stay up
most of the night to avoid problems.
November 16, 2004 (Tuesday): feel like I’m cleaned out... Don’t feel as
bad as I expected. Thigh still radically painful, but in shorter bursts.
Stay in bathroom periodically. Kathleen comes. She always helps, with
her attitude that things will get better as well as her errands help.
November 17, 2004 (Wednesday): thigh pain upon waking is pretty
intense. But doesn’t last has long as it has been lasting. Make coffee, let
kitty out, feed fish, move phone connection into bedroom... up 12
minutes- most time so far. Wish the infection in my foot weren’t there.
Toe is quite red again, though the lines go away when I have a LOT of
vitamin C.
November 18, 2004 (Thursday): stomach muscles so tight... toe still red
on tip... lines when they go down, go much further now... almost along
whole length of foot. Sabra brings me echinacea homeopathic and more
Vitamin C. Neck very stiff. Thigh not quite so bad.
November 19, 2004 (Friday): for some reason I started to worry about
incontinence during the night and spent a lot of time in bathroom to
avoid problem. Then thigh pain which had seemed to be almost gone,
came back: Very Bad. This morning, nauseous... not quite as bad as last
several days. Corrine says no more caregiver: she had to give the $$
to a wheelchair bound client of hers – no idea what I am going to do. I
wish she had called sooner so I could have organized. What will I do
about court stuff that Kathleen had started? Kathleen comes over just
to be nice. Tell her it’s a miracle. Cry, feel like things will be okay.
Work on web page to avoid worrying; after several hours I get out of
bed and my diaphragm muscles are major tight (I’m not sure I know
what the diaphragm muscles are – what I mean when I say that is the
muscles below my chest) and by the time I get to the kitchen I’m pretty
nauseated. Make tea anyway; eat ginger cake from Kitchen Angels
w/tea, hope it settles nausea.
November 20, 2004 (Saturday): Only got about 4 hours sleep: pain in
thigh acute, woke me repeatedly till I gave up trying to sleep. Good
thing is that toe seems a little less intensely red, and over not quite so
large an area. Neck not so stiff; can open mouth more widely. Chest
seems to expand further for air. Didn’t try to be up whole 12 minutes:
made p&J sandwich so I’d have something in my stomach when I took
vitamin C with coffee.
November 21, 2004 (Sunday): slept horribly last night because of
intense pain in thigh... used panting to control reaction to the pain
each time it hit... Sitting up to sleep, which I still have to do, is
uncomfortable and not very relaxing so with the pain as well to deal
with, I woke up this morning with a headache. However, the Epsom
salts compress from yesterday (using the ThermaCare thing to keep it
warm for over 10 hours) did seem to reduce the redness and red lines
from the infection – or it reduced the infection and as a result the red
lines, etc. retreated a bit. But I also used large amounts of 500 mg.
Vitamin C, and theEchinacea as per Sabra’s suggestion. I think that in
reality, the Echinacea must have a major role in the improvement,
because I’d been using compresses and Vitamin C for at least a week
prior... with spotty results, and the red lines were going down my toe,
and had actually begun traveling along my foot. Plus, it seems as if a
large streak of redness on the side of my toe may have been from the
infection. I had not put it together with the infection because I thought
it was a result of pressure on my toe because of how I had to keep my
foot in order to avoid pressure on the top of my toe, which hurt. The
red streak is less intense and not as pronounced nor as extensive.
November 22, 2004 (Monday): intense pain in thigh makes sleeping
fitful. Sabra comes over for a visit. Remember how much pain I was in
when Linda and her mum visited back ages ago. That time my muscles
got so tight that they felt a constricting metal band around my
midsection. This time, it just is so fun. No tightening. Happiness. Sabra
says she will get food/supplies from Wal*Mart for me tomorrow.
November 23, 2004 (Tuesday): intense pain in thigh didn’t last quite as
long each time it happened last night. continue to feel good in terms of
muscles: no relapse. Infection in toe continues to recede. That makes me
feel much more hopeful. Sabra gets all the things I need from
Wal*Mart. Big relief. No meal from Kitchen Angels because of snow. I
was going to make spaghetti, but find I don’t have any sauce. Ate
baked beans. Still no relapse, think healing may be well under way.
Hopeful and happy. Put compress on toe, but discover that the heating
things aren’t working. Only having had the Epsom salts quite warm to
begin with, it stayed warm just because of insulating of the
ThermaCare product and sock.
November 24, 2004, (Wednesday): call county about home help. Takes
a long time to answer all questions; exhausting... muscles become tight,
but not extremely tight. Remain hopeful. Dedicated to putting
compress on toe each day, for more than 12 hours, plus Vitamin C and
periodic B12 shots.
November 25, 2004 (Thanksgiving): continue to feel happy and as if I
am improving. Lovely Thanksgiving meal from Kitchen Angels, and Sabra
brings over treats, as well. B12 shot. (I haven’t been faithfully
recording these, I’m afraid.) Do several loads of wash. Feeling so
hopeful. Stick with fresh compress, lots of C. No B12 shot today. Thigh
was somewhat better again.
November 26, 2004 (Friday): had only minutes of sharp pain in right
thigh, slept better. Hopeful. Vacuum for two minutes: makes
improvement in how my place looks. Work on website. Feeling really
hopeful because of how much better I feel. I can take slightly larger
steps. The best thing is that I’ve not relapsed, and before every time I
felt better, I got much worse almost immediately and that took days to
settle back to how I felt before the relapse. Compress, Vitamin C (12
or more tablets with a large mug of tea three or more times a day).
B12 shot.
November 27, 2004 (Saturday): forgot melatonin last night: woke
every couple of hours. Algae eater died. Hard to take it out of fish
bowl, put it in wooden tea box to bury, and put it on geranium pot
outside; takes long and muscles get too tight. Good thing is: pain in
thigh is no longer so intense when it hits. Thigh feels less numb, too. If
I run my fingernails lightly over it, there is sensation over a larger
area. When I take yesterday’s compress off, none of the lines go all
the way to the bottom of my nail any more. Take a photo while toe still
wet. Feel bad about algae eater, it was too cold for it. I had thought
about that but I the fish bowl was too heavy for me. Getting ready to
do fresh compress, bend to take closer look at toe and major sharp pain
hits in abdominal muscles, like the Tuesday after I’d gotten so much
better. That time I’d gotten rather far from home, doing things,
because I didn’t think anything had really been wrong (seriously wrong,
as opposed to discomfort); and before I’d left to do the things, I’d torn
up my house: washing bed clothes, etc. So I had to finish just to have my
bed. This time I immediately rested. No activity. No computer at all
for an hour. Tried to get up to do compress. Abdominal muscles sharply
painful (like appendix feeling last time, only this time it seems like it’s
in higher up muscles). Rest more, eat saltines for breakfast (already
here because I eat a couple each time I take Ibuprofen, and when I’m
nauseated. Though since I realized that I got nauseated after my
midriff muscles got tight, I’ve been careful not to push myself once
those muscles start getting tight, and I’ve not been as nauseated so
much of the time.) Finally manage to get compress materials together
and get it on my toe. Hope that because I didn’t push myself after the
appendix like pain, that it will go away. Think I won’t do B12 shot so I
don’t have to get up. Do have to stay in bathroom because of feeling
like major incontinence is starting.
November 28, 2004 (Sunday): thigh not good, affects sleep; two B12
shots. Compress still helping. 3 mugs of tea with massive Vit. C.
Abdominal muscles still have sharp pain. No incontinence. More happy
than not. Force myself to stay quiet. By evening know relapse is not as
bad as others. Stick with homeopathics (and have been pretty regularly),
so too Ibuprofen.
November 29, 2004 (Monday): slept much better re thigh pain. Must
have been the B12 shots. Call the 1 ½ hour free help county line and they
are going to investigate. Whew. Toe not red on right side, but still very
red on left side (of top). Fresh compress, lots of C and tea. Cold in the
house: central heat not on... Kathleen was going to help me with that but
now she’s not coming any more. No B12 shot because 2 yesterday. Thigh
is really very good. Melatonin as per usual.
November 30, 2004 (Tuesday): slept great first part of night, then
thigh began to wake me, so B12 must have worn off. Want to take a shot
but do not because of the cramping I used to have when I took them
without exercise after. Try to focus on how I’ll have one after it’s light.
Compress very cold when I take it off about 11am. Toe is more red on
top than usual, and there’s a light brownish streak below my nail, heading
toward ankle... Can’t get house much warmer; too late to ask Sabra to
bring more ThermaCare. Corrine calls, that’s good. : ) Will call Dr. Keith
to confirm that she’ll come. Put fresh compress on about 11pm, with
ThermaCare to keep it warm, to avoid the cold stopping it from working,
like last night. Mug of tea with C.
explained some to Jill (the therapist I had been seeing through the
Department of Vocational Rehab and Alan Graham) by email last night
when I was afraid to go to sleep because of the contraction in my thigh
yesterday a.m. Hand held phone battery dead. Today, while there’s
significant sharp pain in my thigh, the contraction thing which is so much
more severe didn’t happen. Corrine came over because she couldn’t reach
me by phone. I’d forgotten to connect the cord phone after I took the
hand held to recharge. I told her that I can take bigger steps now. She
asked, “Full sized ones?” I said no, not at all. And I said I still can’t
step over the phone cord where it’s raised a few inches from the floor.
I told her about the ER visit and how they never even touched my toe.
I showed her the crock pot I’ve been using to soak my foot so the water
can be warm. I thanked her for Kathleen from Home Instead. I told her
that I’d tried to put the remaining summonses together but that I
couldn’t stand long enough to organize them. I showed her the returns
from the summonses that Sara delivered, and I explained what still
needs to be done.
November 2, 2004 (Tuesday): Open and read ballot; need number 2
pencil. Put number 2 pencils on my shopping list for Kathleen. Kathleen
comes, is great as usual. She goes to bank and Wal*Mart. Wal*Mart is
out of CDs for developed film. She does bring back B12 needles. Then
she takes ballot to county clerk and 3 returns to file at district court.
B12 shot. Watch voting results till early a.m. I don’t want to go to sleep
for fear of the contractions in my right thigh. Muscles in thigh are
really lumpy/hard and are sore to the touch. Eat raw garlic (Kathleen
bought it) hoping it works like antibiotic on toe.
November 3, 2004 (Wednesday): intense pain in right thigh, early a.m.
wakes me. It’s very scary because I know I can’t go to ER because they
said I couldn’t come back. While the pain is very bad, it isn’t actually
that of a contraction. I keep calming myself so the contractions don’t
happen. Get a couple more hours sleep. Soak my foot a total of a little
over 2 hours. Start taking arnica to see if that helps muscles stop being
so tight. Take less Ledum because there seems to be improvement... eat
raw garlic... pretty intense. B12 shot.
November 4, 2004 (Thursday): pain in thigh woke me early a.m. again,
but it wasn’t a contraction. After awhile got more sleep. When I got up,
later, I could fill the Brita pitcher without the weight making my right
back muscles feel like they would start contracting. Decide to try going
down to 2 Ibuprofen every 8 hours, instead of 3. I’ve been worried
about the amount of Ibuprofen I’ve been taking... for nearly a month,
now. Bending to change the heat setting on the oil filled radiator didn’t
feel like it was stressing my muscles this morning. My voice is
consistently stronger today, and my diaphragm muscles don’t feel as
tight. Eat garlic with bologna and american cheese slices. Not quite so
intense; eat several cloves. By 7:30 p.m. I’m feeling worse, more like
last week. I’m missing the extra Ibuprofen and decide I will take three
to get me through the night. I wonder if I can make it till 11:30.
Despite feeling bad, I soaked my foot for an hour this evening. Taking
arnica every 6 hours; Ledum every 12 hours.
November 5, 2004 (Friday): red lines just as prominent in the a.m. as
yesterday a.m. Pain in thigh intermittent, intense, like thigh is being shot
with broken glass. Try vitamin B12 shot in thigh, feels weird because of
numbness—when I pinch thigh to make thicker place to give shot, thigh
feels really foreign. Several hours later, early evening, try a second
shot. Ate garlic during the day. Also took a lot of vitamin C – I’ve been
forgetting to record that... about a dozen 500 mg two or three times a
day. Kathleen got another huge bottle on Tuesday. Go to Ledum and
arnica every 8 hours, but not on the same hour. Tightening of muscles
doesn’t seem to happen quite as quickly. Feel I should work on my web
pages but doing so causes my muscles to tighten badly so that there
begins to be pain. Soak foot... red lines decreased by soaking.
November 6, 2004 (Saturday): good telly day on channel 5. Easier to
just be in bed when there are interesting things to watch: home and
cooking shows. From having joined health forums I’m beginning to
understand that people with fibromyalgia have wide spread pain... and
what I have is most often the tightening that I know from the day I
didn’t give into it and it turned into an appendix feeling pain, I can’t
ignore... that was October 5. Realize I should find better ways of
describing the tightening, and not be calling it pain, even though I
realize it is the beginning of the appendix type pain, but only if I try to
ignore the stiffening. Also the longer I ignore the stiffening, the longer
it takes to recover to the point I was before it started, but not in the
sense of one minute equals one minute, more like 5 seconds equals 10
minutes... Feel like thigh is a little better. Do two B12 shots again. Thigh
still feels really foreign when I touch it because it’s so numb and also
lumpy feeling, tight. My other tight muscles don’t seem to feel lumpy.
Arnica, ledum, vitamin C, garlic.
November 7, 2004 (Sunday): Talked to Linda. All of a sudden began
trembling. Said I had to go; took ages for the trembling to stop. I think
it was from pushing myself after I’d gotten tired – even something as
simple as just talking is exhausting.
November 8, 2004 (Monday): pain in thigh less intense. Soak foot and
put wet, warm Epsom salt towel on thigh. Get radiator half way to
bathroom w/shower; but then finishing making cup of coffee makes back
muscles really tight – I press on them to make them feel better. While I
was soaking my foot, I thought of lots of things I need to do, but now I
can’t remember. It takes sooo much time to soak my foot, and rest and
soak my foot. After I finish it seems like there’s less evidence of
infection, but hours later or next day, it looks red and it’s painful if I
press where it’s red. By 1:30 p.m. I’ve managed to move the radiator all
the way into the bathroom. It took three applications of time and
effort, and the last time I made myself finish even though my muscles
were getting not only tight but painful in the way the major pain that
started that day when I went to the sheriffs and pushed myself too
hard. So now I’ll have to rest in order to be able to stand long enough
to take a shower.
November 9, 2004 (Tuesday): red lines going down toe now. Show them
to Kathleen, can she see them? She says yes. Over night, use cotton
wool compress ( ½ cup Epsom salts and ½ cup hot water) on my toe with
ThermaCare heating things (that Kathleen bought) to keep it warm,
with a sock to hold it in place.
November 10, 2004 (Wednesday): lines have receded; muscle pain
takes longer to start after I’m up. I can be up about ten minutes first
thing in the morning... then less long after a rest. I only took 2
Ibuprofen early this morning, about 1:00 a.m. and none again till this
evening at 8:30 p.m. when my muscles were really uncomfortable when
I wanted to get a cup of green tea. I spent many hours today soaking
my foot in the hopes of the red lines going totally away. My toe was
painful today when I brushed it, as if something were in it and sticking
out, like a splinter. So maybe that’s the infection being drawn out by
all the Epsom salt soaking. Will use cotton wool compress ( ½ cup Epsom
salts and ½ cup hot water) on my toe with ThermaCare heating things to
keep it warm over night, with a sock to hold it in place.
November 11, 2004 (Thursday): Headache and stiff neck. Neck feels as
if I’m getting mumps; wonder if that’s from using less Ibuprofen. Take
two Ibuprofen at 8:00 a.m. 12:30 p.m. my neck is still stiff and feeling
mump-like I wish I didn’t have to rely on Epsom salts to get rid of the
infection in my toe, if that’s what’s making the redness and red lines.
November 12, 2004 (Friday): Kathleen comes again... idea was to get
legal stuff done, but it took me forever to explain things to her, I just
could not keep on track and be clear. I said, “We’re doomed,” because
not enough got done. But there was no way to change it. Part of problem
was that I didn’t plan out today, yesterday. Felt too bad yesterday.
November 13, 2004 (Saturday): good channel 5 t.v. day. Wonder how
much worse I’m going to feel. Look up horoscope to see if I have a death
type transit coming up. Luckily, not. Interesting, day accident happened,
horoscope said, “Your assertive energy and individual expression are
challenged by the planet of freedom, rebellion and sudden change.
Obviously, this transit calls for lots of flexibility on your part. It could
be a very busy time when you feel like the pile of work just never gets
done, you don’t have any free time, there’s no respite. You feel restless,
tense, in need of a break, but are suppressing those feelings and
doggedly persisting in your treadmill. Watch out! This is how accidents
happen! Severely internalized tensions can also result in health issues
that require surgery... What the Universe is asking you to do, here, is to
confront yourself and recognize your own needs to be individual, to be
free, to be able to do the things you really like to do, and to be able to
stick up for yourself when necessary. Face up to your needs and take
positive steps to assert them, and this transit can result in very
beneficial and creative changes that will make you feel more alive and
free than you’ve been in a long time.” September 30, the first
contraction day, was interesting, too. The only transit that day, said,
“This is a long-term pattern indicating a need to consider carefully
when and where to go ‘full speed ahead’ as opposed to cautious planning.
You might swing between pushing too hard (and being blocked or
frustrated by life or authority figures) versus giving up and not
trying. Yet, a middle position allows you to consider carefully what
must be done, then put great energy into working within the ‘rules of
the game’ to achieve your personal desires. The key is to identify
something you WANT to do that you CAN do—and do it. Clashes with
father or other authorities are possible until you solidly understand
and use your own inner authority and expertise. Control of self is
desirable — unless it goes to extremes. Positive expressions include
putting lots of yourself into your work, being independent in your
career, planning sensibly and then acting confidently.” Pretty happy
there are no death days... So while I feel pretty bad, and have been
feeling bad... I think I’ll get well.
November 14, 2004 (Sunday): call Susan Waters and talk for a little
bit. Get angry when Susan talks as if I’m not really very sick, or
wouldn’t be if I thought differently about this. I say I shouldn’t have
called because I just feel too bad. Thigh is way better than ER day,
but could be better still.
November 15, 2004 (Monday): some pretty fierce pain in thigh. Sitting
in bed, watching telly when major incontinence hits. Stay in bathroom a
quite long time, and keep returning to avoid more to clean up. Luckily
Kathleen had shown me how to change the sheets most easy way. (good
thing is I find an envelope with granting of US Appeals Court
enlargement of time.) Pretty scared. Had thought that incontinence
first ER day, after I was home, was from the pain killer or muscle
relaxant in the IV. Now worry it’s serious part of disease. Each
relapse has been so much worse. Hope this isn’t major relapse. Stay up
most of the night to avoid problems.
November 16, 2004 (Tuesday): feel like I’m cleaned out... Don’t feel as
bad as I expected. Thigh still radically painful, but in shorter bursts.
Stay in bathroom periodically. Kathleen comes. She always helps, with
her attitude that things will get better as well as her errands help.
November 17, 2004 (Wednesday): thigh pain upon waking is pretty
intense. But doesn’t last has long as it has been lasting. Make coffee, let
kitty out, feed fish, move phone connection into bedroom... up 12
minutes- most time so far. Wish the infection in my foot weren’t there.
Toe is quite red again, though the lines go away when I have a LOT of
vitamin C.
November 18, 2004 (Thursday): stomach muscles so tight... toe still red
on tip... lines when they go down, go much further now... almost along
whole length of foot. Sabra brings me echinacea homeopathic and more
Vitamin C. Neck very stiff. Thigh not quite so bad.
November 19, 2004 (Friday): for some reason I started to worry about
incontinence during the night and spent a lot of time in bathroom to
avoid problem. Then thigh pain which had seemed to be almost gone,
came back: Very Bad. This morning, nauseous... not quite as bad as last
several days. Corrine says no more caregiver: she had to give the $$
to a wheelchair bound client of hers – no idea what I am going to do. I
wish she had called sooner so I could have organized. What will I do
about court stuff that Kathleen had started? Kathleen comes over just
to be nice. Tell her it’s a miracle. Cry, feel like things will be okay.
Work on web page to avoid worrying; after several hours I get out of
bed and my diaphragm muscles are major tight (I’m not sure I know
what the diaphragm muscles are – what I mean when I say that is the
muscles below my chest) and by the time I get to the kitchen I’m pretty
nauseated. Make tea anyway; eat ginger cake from Kitchen Angels
w/tea, hope it settles nausea.
November 20, 2004 (Saturday): Only got about 4 hours sleep: pain in
thigh acute, woke me repeatedly till I gave up trying to sleep. Good
thing is that toe seems a little less intensely red, and over not quite so
large an area. Neck not so stiff; can open mouth more widely. Chest
seems to expand further for air. Didn’t try to be up whole 12 minutes:
made p&J sandwich so I’d have something in my stomach when I took
vitamin C with coffee.
November 21, 2004 (Sunday): slept horribly last night because of
intense pain in thigh... used panting to control reaction to the pain
each time it hit... Sitting up to sleep, which I still have to do, is
uncomfortable and not very relaxing so with the pain as well to deal
with, I woke up this morning with a headache. However, the Epsom
salts compress from yesterday (using the ThermaCare thing to keep it
warm for over 10 hours) did seem to reduce the redness and red lines
from the infection – or it reduced the infection and as a result the red
lines, etc. retreated a bit. But I also used large amounts of 500 mg.
Vitamin C, and theEchinacea as per Sabra’s suggestion. I think that in
reality, the Echinacea must have a major role in the improvement,
because I’d been using compresses and Vitamin C for at least a week
prior... with spotty results, and the red lines were going down my toe,
and had actually begun traveling along my foot. Plus, it seems as if a
large streak of redness on the side of my toe may have been from the
infection. I had not put it together with the infection because I thought
it was a result of pressure on my toe because of how I had to keep my
foot in order to avoid pressure on the top of my toe, which hurt. The
red streak is less intense and not as pronounced nor as extensive.
November 22, 2004 (Monday): intense pain in thigh makes sleeping
fitful. Sabra comes over for a visit. Remember how much pain I was in
when Linda and her mum visited back ages ago. That time my muscles
got so tight that they felt a constricting metal band around my
midsection. This time, it just is so fun. No tightening. Happiness. Sabra
says she will get food/supplies from Wal*Mart for me tomorrow.
November 23, 2004 (Tuesday): intense pain in thigh didn’t last quite as
long each time it happened last night. continue to feel good in terms of
muscles: no relapse. Infection in toe continues to recede. That makes me
feel much more hopeful. Sabra gets all the things I need from
Wal*Mart. Big relief. No meal from Kitchen Angels because of snow. I
was going to make spaghetti, but find I don’t have any sauce. Ate
baked beans. Still no relapse, think healing may be well under way.
Hopeful and happy. Put compress on toe, but discover that the heating
things aren’t working. Only having had the Epsom salts quite warm to
begin with, it stayed warm just because of insulating of the
ThermaCare product and sock.
November 24, 2004, (Wednesday): call county about home help. Takes
a long time to answer all questions; exhausting... muscles become tight,
but not extremely tight. Remain hopeful. Dedicated to putting
compress on toe each day, for more than 12 hours, plus Vitamin C and
periodic B12 shots.
November 25, 2004 (Thanksgiving): continue to feel happy and as if I
am improving. Lovely Thanksgiving meal from Kitchen Angels, and Sabra
brings over treats, as well. B12 shot. (I haven’t been faithfully
recording these, I’m afraid.) Do several loads of wash. Feeling so
hopeful. Stick with fresh compress, lots of C. No B12 shot today. Thigh
was somewhat better again.
November 26, 2004 (Friday): had only minutes of sharp pain in right
thigh, slept better. Hopeful. Vacuum for two minutes: makes
improvement in how my place looks. Work on website. Feeling really
hopeful because of how much better I feel. I can take slightly larger
steps. The best thing is that I’ve not relapsed, and before every time I
felt better, I got much worse almost immediately and that took days to
settle back to how I felt before the relapse. Compress, Vitamin C (12
or more tablets with a large mug of tea three or more times a day).
B12 shot.
November 27, 2004 (Saturday): forgot melatonin last night: woke
every couple of hours. Algae eater died. Hard to take it out of fish
bowl, put it in wooden tea box to bury, and put it on geranium pot
outside; takes long and muscles get too tight. Good thing is: pain in
thigh is no longer so intense when it hits. Thigh feels less numb, too. If
I run my fingernails lightly over it, there is sensation over a larger
area. When I take yesterday’s compress off, none of the lines go all
the way to the bottom of my nail any more. Take a photo while toe still
wet. Feel bad about algae eater, it was too cold for it. I had thought
about that but I the fish bowl was too heavy for me. Getting ready to
do fresh compress, bend to take closer look at toe and major sharp pain
hits in abdominal muscles, like the Tuesday after I’d gotten so much
better. That time I’d gotten rather far from home, doing things,
because I didn’t think anything had really been wrong (seriously wrong,
as opposed to discomfort); and before I’d left to do the things, I’d torn
up my house: washing bed clothes, etc. So I had to finish just to have my
bed. This time I immediately rested. No activity. No computer at all
for an hour. Tried to get up to do compress. Abdominal muscles sharply
painful (like appendix feeling last time, only this time it seems like it’s
in higher up muscles). Rest more, eat saltines for breakfast (already
here because I eat a couple each time I take Ibuprofen, and when I’m
nauseated. Though since I realized that I got nauseated after my
midriff muscles got tight, I’ve been careful not to push myself once
those muscles start getting tight, and I’ve not been as nauseated so
much of the time.) Finally manage to get compress materials together
and get it on my toe. Hope that because I didn’t push myself after the
appendix like pain, that it will go away. Think I won’t do B12 shot so I
don’t have to get up. Do have to stay in bathroom because of feeling
like major incontinence is starting.
November 28, 2004 (Sunday): thigh not good, affects sleep; two B12
shots. Compress still helping. 3 mugs of tea with massive Vit. C.
Abdominal muscles still have sharp pain. No incontinence. More happy
than not. Force myself to stay quiet. By evening know relapse is not as
bad as others. Stick with homeopathics (and have been pretty regularly),
so too Ibuprofen.
November 29, 2004 (Monday): slept much better re thigh pain. Must
have been the B12 shots. Call the 1 ½ hour free help county line and they
are going to investigate. Whew. Toe not red on right side, but still very
red on left side (of top). Fresh compress, lots of C and tea. Cold in the
house: central heat not on... Kathleen was going to help me with that but
now she’s not coming any more. No B12 shot because 2 yesterday. Thigh
is really very good. Melatonin as per usual.
November 30, 2004 (Tuesday): slept great first part of night, then
thigh began to wake me, so B12 must have worn off. Want to take a shot
but do not because of the cramping I used to have when I took them
without exercise after. Try to focus on how I’ll have one after it’s light.
Compress very cold when I take it off about 11am. Toe is more red on
top than usual, and there’s a light brownish streak below my nail, heading
toward ankle... Can’t get house much warmer; too late to ask Sabra to
bring more ThermaCare. Corrine calls, that’s good. : ) Will call Dr. Keith
to confirm that she’ll come. Put fresh compress on about 11pm, with
ThermaCare to keep it warm, to avoid the cold stopping it from working,
like last night. Mug of tea with C.
December 1, 2004 (Wednesday): Not so cold as yesterday when I wake
up, toe is warm because of ThermaCare and compress; leave it on.
Bobbett Gurule comes this afternoon – she’s very nice; she may have a
doctor to come here, she’s surprised that TBI didn’t tell me about their
services. I’m sooo happy. I’m glad I used my web site in ABCHomeopathy
and Sabra recognized it. Sabra is who told me to call the county for
help. Sabra comes over right after Bobbett leaves. So I talked with
people for over 4 hours; midsection muscles painful and I have to hold
them, one spot on the left is sharply painful. Kitchen Angels sends
flowers: sunflowers. So happy making, plus they smell good. Sharp pain
persists for over 4 hours. Take compress off toe about 10pm. There’s
what looks like a little pile of white stuff on the tip of my toe, above
the middle line under my toe nail. Was it drawn out by the Epsom salt?
It looks like fine white sand. Going to take a picture but it looks so
fake; I decide to touch it and it gets so spread out I can’t see it
anymore. I soooo wish I’d taken a picture. Will put another compress on
in an hour or two to complete job, hopefully. Happiness. Lines most faint
ever.
December 2, 2004 (Thursday): Intense pain in right thigh keeps waking
me up. No B12 shot since Nov. 28... Have a shot at 4pm in hopes it
reduces thigh pain over night and I can sleep. Mug of tea with C.
Corrine does not bring food and calls just before 4:30. I feel really let
down by her. I ask her why she didn’t tell me about adult protective
services. She says I should have called around and found out. I feel
exhausted after talking to her. Write to her boss about some of the
problems. Don’t post right away, to think about it. 8pm take compress
off. Plan to leave it off for three hours. About a half hour later when
toe is dry, I see a circle around the spot where the little pile of stuff
was. I take a picture, then try to brush it off, but this is different...
it’s almost as if the skin is abraded in a circle around the spot, and
Epsom salt has stuck into the edges of the circular patch around the
more smooth skin. The lines are really faint, but not gone. I decide to
wait till tomorrow to put on another compress. Put vaseline on thigh
which was looking a bit peeled, maybe from swelling? Hope vaseline
reduces tight feeling. Exhausted, turn out lights a little after ten. Can’t
sleep though. At 1a.m. take Ibuprofen, then sleep till about 5 a.m.
December 3, 2004 (Friday): Up at 5:30 a.m. Notice that toe doesn’t
hurt when it rubs against bed covers; still red though. Muscles that
were so painfully sore around abdomen yesterday are itching, seems like
they may be healing; tired, but hopeful. Bobbette comes, brings in mail.
Foreclosure hearing notice. I get really cold and start shaking. Can’t get
warm. Bobbette is reassuring, says she will write something to Court.
Can’t type clearly, many errors. Scared. Feel like TBI has major let me
down. By p.m. I’m exhausted. Don’t feel like changing compress;
toe dark red again, maybe from cold and stress.
December 4, 2004 (Saturday): pbs is advertising: my favorite programs
aren’t on. Work on Reply Brief. Carroll at Law Library tells me how to
find 5 years of case law at LexisOne; too intense; great. Concentrating
on Brief helps me not be scared about foreclosure. Call Connie Foster
to say hi, she says when she runs out of money she’s thinking she’ll kill
herself. Oh dear. Take compress off p.m. Another white bit at top end
of red line... this is like the tip of something that’s further embedded.
It won’t knock off. Put fresh compress on late p.m. after a few hours of
foot breathing. Hopeful.
December 5, 2004 (Sunday): work on Reply Brief: cannot get the Law
Library emails of Badillo-Santiago to be so I can read them; try screen
shots put into Word docs, but bits are missing and it takes over 16
Word pages for a fraction of the case... each screen shot shows only a
few words because of the gargantuan size of the email contents; almost
crying; can’t read it, feel near hopeless; hard not to be swamped by fear
and become distraught about foreclosure. Google case name and get
Amicus Curea Brief and Circuit Court vacating earlier court’s judgment.
Intense!!!! Wow. Finally see how I should be constructing Brief
presentation. Feel like it’s a miracle. p.m. take compress off and there’s
a white bit again. Lines are becoming quite faint, can only see them
from certain angles. Put fresh compress on late p.m.
December 6, 2004 (Monday): Call Denver, brief due Wednesday, not
Tuesday: Whew! Keep sticking with the masses of C and mugs of tea.
Concentrating on Brief reduces fear of foreclosure. Compress off p.m.:
looks less red. Hopeful. Fresh compress.
December 7, 2004 (Tuesday): Fed Ex takes Brief about 2:30 p.m.
Almost instantly I’m devastated. I guess because I don’t have anything
to take my mind off foreclosure. Jana never sounds interested: she has
a Stepford Wife attitude; don’t feel as if she hears me. I make calls
she seems to have ignored making: re Sara and completing the Returns.
Jana says she’ll come 9a.m. to pick up Return Forms for Sara to
complete. Masses of C, mugs of tea as per usual. I write and Fax file
something with court. Bobbette sends something to court. Pretty
distressed. Change compresses. Can’t go to sleep.
December 8, 2004 (Wednesday): Up early. Waiting for Jana. Jana
doesn’t come, doesn’t call. Finally at 10 she comes. She has a real
Stepford Wife attitude only it’s not really nice to me, it’s just like a
front. She sounds like she could care less. Says she will not see to them
getting filed, that she will only do what she agreed to last night. I
thought she did agree to taking care of it, but she seems pleased to say
she did not. Major tense muscles, clamping tight, extreme pain in
abdominal muscles. Call Connie to maybe serve Shapiro/ Meinhold at
court. She can’t. I’m glad I offered it to her since she had said she was
going to kill herself when she ran out of money. Call “expedited”
process servers. David Segura. He’s good. Feel less scared when I
know some Returns will be filed.
December 9, 2004 (Thursday): gums red and swollen, can’t leave partial
in. Really scared about infection in my gums. Corrine comes at 9, not at
noon as she’d agreed: appointment. She brings bad food: donuts, brown
cabbage, somewhat rotten salad stuff in plastic bag. She doesn’t sound
like she’s telling the truth. Salt water solution in mouth for long
periods. Put partial in to eat dinner; no entre was sent, so I eat some
slices of bread with bologna and individual cheese slices: painful.
December 10, 2004 (Friday): gums really bad, dark red over pretty
big area. Scared. Three hours of salt water in mouth. Helps some, not a
lot. Kathleen comes over to get a Return corrected. Great to see her.
Feel bad I can’t have partial in. Massive C, tea. Ibuprofen, wonder if
Ibuprofen has keep me from feeling tooth stump getting huge decay.
From resting yesterday when I only worked on my web page, my muscles
seem better. Major pain hardly there at all. Compress off: toe looks
really good. Fresh compress just to be thorough and sure. Wish this
wasn’t accompanied by huge teeth problem.
December 11, 2004 (Saturday): gums hurt even though partial isn’t in.
Take implant screw out. Salt water solution in mouth for an hour.
Infection in mouth hurts sharp pain with salt water, dull ache between
salt water. Glands feel swollen. Eyes burn. Take compress off early
hoping for good clear toe, and that’s true. It’s still looking good: all red
lines are faint an half the length they were. Left eye not seeing clearly.
Infection is on left upper side of mouth. Tooth stump is black with
decay. Scared. Can’t go to sleep till going on 4 a.m.
December 12, 2004 (Sunday): didn’t sleep well even though pain in right
thigh is vastly reduced. Hard to eat without partial; jaw feels really
tight, maybe from extra strain since without partial there’s a larger
space my teeth/jaw close through in trying to chew. Take out second
implant screw. Salt water for hours, till I run out of salt. Inside of my
lips are irritated from the salt. Muscles itching, which seems like a good
sign, grandpa used to say itching (after I had my appendix out) was a
sign of healing. Call Gateway tech re computer not working; Christy, the
young woman, had tetanus when she was about 8, she got it near her
birthday which she said was in May... it took her till August to be able
to go outside. She remembers it like the worse case of flue ever, with
all her muscles hurting. Her neck did get “locked” when she was lying on
sofa because she wasn’t feeling good, and her jaw locked; she was in
hospital three days; hers itched when she was getting better. I’m
amazed to have gotten to talk to someone else who has had tetanus.
Computer’s okay, whew. Massive C and tea. Fresh compress.
December 13, 2004 (Monday): Doreen didn’t come. Feel a little scared.
Don’t hear from Bobbette, so I think Bobbette must be under the
weather. Sabra says she can get a few things for me. Massive C and
tea. Young woman delivers for Kitchen Angels.. when I hear her at door
I get up to go collect dinner from her, only she’s already in hall and I
jump in fright, then laugh. She’s a very nice young woman. Fresh
compress. Gums are very red only in certain areas now.
December 14, 2004 (Tuesday): Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m so tired
of sleeping sitting up, but my muscles begin to feel very worrying when
I try to straighten out. Sabra is going to P.O. so she says she’ll get
stamps for me. She’ll also get salt and Listerine. Try to take it easy.
Massive C, tea. Take compress off around noon. Toe looks really good.
Think I may not put another compress on. B12 shot. Charles delivers
for Kitchen Angels, he cheers me up big time, but when he’s leaving he
says how dark the hallway is and I realize I forgot to put light on, I
feel soooo bad because Kitchen Angels is so nice and putting the light
on is the least I can do. 10 p.m. toe has line again... much thicker but
not all the way to bottom of nail... Fresh compress. Sharp pain in
muscle above abdomen on left side when I move; there most of the day.
December 15, 2004 (Wednesday): Slept better last night. Hand asleep
when I wake up. Curious about that since I had a B12 shot yesterday.
Time myself when I get up to see how I’m doing. I was up 12 minutes
before my muscles started tightening enough to scare me; most
tightening in my back muscles. I had thought it would be longer. Risk
management lady coming today. She didn’t come.
December 16, 2004 (Thursday): Up 13 minutes, first thing, before
muscles tighten so much I have to go back to bed. Gums swollen, can’t
put partial in. Vitamin C (masses), compress, homeopathics, and
Listerine...
December 17, 2004 (Friday): Bobbette comes and gets list to get
things I need; when she doesn’t come right back I get scared she’s had
an accident – I get really cold. Happily she’s fine. C, Compress,
Ibuprofen. Methylcobalamin arrives from Fred. Mouth sore.
Wal*Mart did photos wrong, way too expensive: on hold long without
talking to manager; Will try to remember to do it over internet.
December 18, 2004 (Saturday): Mouth sore, still swelling, but not as
bad. Try methylcobalamin. Flavor is much better than I expected. It
seems to have same effect as cyanocobalamin... nice not to have to use
the needle. Trying to rest more, so muscles get better: work on web
site because it doesn’t require hard thinking, so it’s restful. C,
Compress, Ibuprofen.
December 19. 2004 (Sunday): really impressed with methylcobalamin.
Started to get depressed feeling, took one when otherwise I’d have had
a shot, and it worked; Trying to relax a lot though, so muscles heal. Also
pain in thigh continues to diminish. C, Compress, Listerine, Ibuprofen.
December 20, 2004 (Monday): pain and tightness seem much better,
don’t take Ibuprofen until 10:30 a.m., that’s 9½ hours. Also, was up 17
minutes before tightening made me have to go back to bed. Really happy
about length of time. Doreen comes with Bobette. Organize foreclosure
papers for Doreen to take to Bernadette for copying and to be sent to
Legal Aid lawyer, Sandy. Stressful reading some of the papers where
they had hearings that I didn’t even know about. (2/24/05 : the
hearing they had without me was in the injunction case before Judge
Pfeiffer.) Can’t keep papers straight. Have to reorganize them over and
over again. Doreen says it’s nearly time for her to leave. I call
Bernadette to see if Doreen can just leave the papers, and if DVR will
mail them to Sandy... she says yes, asks me to write address for
Jenelle. I can barely keep that request in mind, I copy address, but
then when I try to write Jenelle’s name, I can barely write... my
writing isn’t clear at all. I am sooo stressed. Can’t type straight either.
Try to play Mah Jong but chat is hopelessly transposed letters and
mixed up. No one talks to me. Call Sabra, talk is good. But in the
evening I’m still not functioning properly in terms of my mind and my
fingers working together... typing still off. C, compress.
December 21, 2004 (Tuesday): methylcobalamin still seems to be
working really well, using less Ibuprofen, pain in stomach muscles less
intense. Valerie Del O, and Rudy Del O come over as insurance
adjusters re risk management, office of the courts. Sabra is here to
observe. Feel my hand shaking when I gesture. Can’t remember words
when I’m trying to talk. After they leave I can remember Valerie asking
me a question, or part of a question, but I can’t remember it all. I ask
Sabra. She says V. had wanted to know what accommodations I wanted.
I wish I’d told her about paper Jill Ryan wrote and that I filed with
court. Really tense; typing affected, feel like I’m not thinking straight.
Can’t do anything because of inaccuracy factor. Bobbette brings
Christmas basket food: just tons of supplies. But Bobbette’s uncle has
killed himself, and another uncle has died... so she’s going to Colorado
Springs for funeral... I ask if she would/can deliver summons. She calls
to see, and says yes. Happy but still stressed and not functioning. When
Charles brings evening meal I confuse a lot of words and am really
distressed because of my non-functioning. Worst is when I want to say
“hydrogen sulfide” and say, “homo” and stop. I wish I hadn’t been
attacking Christians on pbs today about their attacks on gays. I’m
afraid I hurt his feelings. Take 3 Ibuprofen at 6 p.m. because pain
level has risen, probably because of extreme stress of court not
accommodating and so close to foreclosure. Scared. Then later get
email from Bobbette, who can’t find Return forms. But I’ve already
missed her. I’m pretty tense, even when I try to relax. It seems like if
the court has been refusing to accommodate, and ruling against me,
that it is not going to stop discriminating unless the 10th Circuit rules
in my favor... Scared. Do not want to lose home.
December 22, 2004 (Wednesday): up only 11 minutes before I have to
go back to bed. Couldn’t sleep well last night, thigh worse, I think from
the stress affecting my nerves. Can’t see very clearly -- also probably
nerves affected by stress. Take an extra vitamin A. There’s no way I
can properly answer all the papers in the time the judge gave. It’s
hopeless if I can’t get accommodation. Try not to think about losing my
home. Scared, though. Methylcobalamin, C, Ibuprofen, Compress.
December 23, 2004 (Thursday): Can’t sleep. Right thigh is intensely
painful again. Little spasms of pain run through it, and when they do my
right foot flexes up, not the whole foot, but my toes and the front part
of my foot bend up toward my ankle – it does it, I don’t do it. Eyes burn
from being tired, and from the wearing effect of the pain. Wrists feel
extremely tired. A.m. it’s very cold in house. Can’t warm it up. Muscles
get very tight againt, even around middle where breathing is – feel
nauseous. C, Ibuprofen, fresh compress.
December 24, 2004 (Friday): takes half the day to warm up house.
Muscles ight. Kitchen Angels makes me so happy – beautifll bood. Cannot
type. Also a smiling delivery person. Happiest Chrismtas, excpet for
beign sick, in a long time. C, Ibuprofen, didn’t put fresh comparess on –
too tired.
December 25, 2004 (Saturday): got eight hours of sleep though ti was
hard o go to sleep because head kept falling way to the left. So tired
of sleping sitting up. Took more Ibuprofen in the early morning, in
the dark, when thigh was about to be unbearable. Timed myself when
I got up, ony 7 minutes. (down from 17 on Tuysay,no mmoNday
morning.) Plus, I pushed myself aftern muscles started tightening and
now they still hurt even though I’m in bed. On the plus side, when I
press on a muscle it’s sore. They used to just be tight. So I thinkt he
soreness ifon the side of healing. I wish they were still itching. Tat
tidn’t last very long, I think because of the court stress. Court is
hopeless if they keep trefusing to accommodate. (I am not correcting
all the errors, ecaue the errors are a resutl of the stress and they and
the tsress make everyting that much harder.) Feel nearer hopeless
today. I’ve lost several days and much improvement has been lsot
because judge woudn’t accommodtae, No way I can answer all motions
in 15 days from hearing, when I didnt’ even get themail for nearly a
week – or at least way beyond what it would have taken id if I docud
go to the mail box myself. Judge seems to have determined he will
foreclose becauehe willmake it impossible for me to defend. Pre-Paid
dwasn’t there on Wednesday (probably for holiday); Legal aid
attoreny, Sandy, coulnd’t be reached... yet I’m supposed to file on
Monday. He ouwouldnot have done this to an attoreny. Need to check
reules. Bit tpdau O’m gong to read on stress: the Elissa Epel material.
Being able to be up only 7 minute – 7 minutes is not enought itme to do
anything... and my musles areso tight again aht I can’t take as large
steps anymoere, ant that means just going to another room takes
longer, when I already have less time. Was going to have an olive cuz
ilove olives.l th Christmas atreat. But of course I can’t open oliv jar. I
can barely open bolobna bologna packs – the sealed plastic that you
have to pull apartr. But, Bobbette got me wonderful brie and totritllas
so I’m enohoy enjoyhing that for c?hristmas. it’s totally wonederful.
December 26, 2004 (Sunday): Slept poorly, woke up – vision blurry.
Bathroom, coffee, water for kitty, up 7 minutes before tightening
extreme, back to bed. Depressign that I was able to be up 17 minutes.
Tomorrow is the day I would have gotten rent. Next Sunday I need to
show the house... when I was ablet toe be up 17 minutes, I was happy
thinking I oculd shoulw it. Even though I’m back in bed, my muscles still
feel bad. So I’m much much worse than a week ago.
up, toe is warm because of ThermaCare and compress; leave it on.
Bobbett Gurule comes this afternoon – she’s very nice; she may have a
doctor to come here, she’s surprised that TBI didn’t tell me about their
services. I’m sooo happy. I’m glad I used my web site in ABCHomeopathy
and Sabra recognized it. Sabra is who told me to call the county for
help. Sabra comes over right after Bobbett leaves. So I talked with
people for over 4 hours; midsection muscles painful and I have to hold
them, one spot on the left is sharply painful. Kitchen Angels sends
flowers: sunflowers. So happy making, plus they smell good. Sharp pain
persists for over 4 hours. Take compress off toe about 10pm. There’s
what looks like a little pile of white stuff on the tip of my toe, above
the middle line under my toe nail. Was it drawn out by the Epsom salt?
It looks like fine white sand. Going to take a picture but it looks so
fake; I decide to touch it and it gets so spread out I can’t see it
anymore. I soooo wish I’d taken a picture. Will put another compress on
in an hour or two to complete job, hopefully. Happiness. Lines most faint
ever.
December 2, 2004 (Thursday): Intense pain in right thigh keeps waking
me up. No B12 shot since Nov. 28... Have a shot at 4pm in hopes it
reduces thigh pain over night and I can sleep. Mug of tea with C.
Corrine does not bring food and calls just before 4:30. I feel really let
down by her. I ask her why she didn’t tell me about adult protective
services. She says I should have called around and found out. I feel
exhausted after talking to her. Write to her boss about some of the
problems. Don’t post right away, to think about it. 8pm take compress
off. Plan to leave it off for three hours. About a half hour later when
toe is dry, I see a circle around the spot where the little pile of stuff
was. I take a picture, then try to brush it off, but this is different...
it’s almost as if the skin is abraded in a circle around the spot, and
Epsom salt has stuck into the edges of the circular patch around the
more smooth skin. The lines are really faint, but not gone. I decide to
wait till tomorrow to put on another compress. Put vaseline on thigh
which was looking a bit peeled, maybe from swelling? Hope vaseline
reduces tight feeling. Exhausted, turn out lights a little after ten. Can’t
sleep though. At 1a.m. take Ibuprofen, then sleep till about 5 a.m.
December 3, 2004 (Friday): Up at 5:30 a.m. Notice that toe doesn’t
hurt when it rubs against bed covers; still red though. Muscles that
were so painfully sore around abdomen yesterday are itching, seems like
they may be healing; tired, but hopeful. Bobbette comes, brings in mail.
Foreclosure hearing notice. I get really cold and start shaking. Can’t get
warm. Bobbette is reassuring, says she will write something to Court.
Can’t type clearly, many errors. Scared. Feel like TBI has major let me
down. By p.m. I’m exhausted. Don’t feel like changing compress;
toe dark red again, maybe from cold and stress.
December 4, 2004 (Saturday): pbs is advertising: my favorite programs
aren’t on. Work on Reply Brief. Carroll at Law Library tells me how to
find 5 years of case law at LexisOne; too intense; great. Concentrating
on Brief helps me not be scared about foreclosure. Call Connie Foster
to say hi, she says when she runs out of money she’s thinking she’ll kill
herself. Oh dear. Take compress off p.m. Another white bit at top end
of red line... this is like the tip of something that’s further embedded.
It won’t knock off. Put fresh compress on late p.m. after a few hours of
foot breathing. Hopeful.
December 5, 2004 (Sunday): work on Reply Brief: cannot get the Law
Library emails of Badillo-Santiago to be so I can read them; try screen
shots put into Word docs, but bits are missing and it takes over 16
Word pages for a fraction of the case... each screen shot shows only a
few words because of the gargantuan size of the email contents; almost
crying; can’t read it, feel near hopeless; hard not to be swamped by fear
and become distraught about foreclosure. Google case name and get
Amicus Curea Brief and Circuit Court vacating earlier court’s judgment.
Intense!!!! Wow. Finally see how I should be constructing Brief
presentation. Feel like it’s a miracle. p.m. take compress off and there’s
a white bit again. Lines are becoming quite faint, can only see them
from certain angles. Put fresh compress on late p.m.
December 6, 2004 (Monday): Call Denver, brief due Wednesday, not
Tuesday: Whew! Keep sticking with the masses of C and mugs of tea.
Concentrating on Brief reduces fear of foreclosure. Compress off p.m.:
looks less red. Hopeful. Fresh compress.
December 7, 2004 (Tuesday): Fed Ex takes Brief about 2:30 p.m.
Almost instantly I’m devastated. I guess because I don’t have anything
to take my mind off foreclosure. Jana never sounds interested: she has
a Stepford Wife attitude; don’t feel as if she hears me. I make calls
she seems to have ignored making: re Sara and completing the Returns.
Jana says she’ll come 9a.m. to pick up Return Forms for Sara to
complete. Masses of C, mugs of tea as per usual. I write and Fax file
something with court. Bobbette sends something to court. Pretty
distressed. Change compresses. Can’t go to sleep.
December 8, 2004 (Wednesday): Up early. Waiting for Jana. Jana
doesn’t come, doesn’t call. Finally at 10 she comes. She has a real
Stepford Wife attitude only it’s not really nice to me, it’s just like a
front. She sounds like she could care less. Says she will not see to them
getting filed, that she will only do what she agreed to last night. I
thought she did agree to taking care of it, but she seems pleased to say
she did not. Major tense muscles, clamping tight, extreme pain in
abdominal muscles. Call Connie to maybe serve Shapiro/ Meinhold at
court. She can’t. I’m glad I offered it to her since she had said she was
going to kill herself when she ran out of money. Call “expedited”
process servers. David Segura. He’s good. Feel less scared when I
know some Returns will be filed.
December 9, 2004 (Thursday): gums red and swollen, can’t leave partial
in. Really scared about infection in my gums. Corrine comes at 9, not at
noon as she’d agreed: appointment. She brings bad food: donuts, brown
cabbage, somewhat rotten salad stuff in plastic bag. She doesn’t sound
like she’s telling the truth. Salt water solution in mouth for long
periods. Put partial in to eat dinner; no entre was sent, so I eat some
slices of bread with bologna and individual cheese slices: painful.
December 10, 2004 (Friday): gums really bad, dark red over pretty
big area. Scared. Three hours of salt water in mouth. Helps some, not a
lot. Kathleen comes over to get a Return corrected. Great to see her.
Feel bad I can’t have partial in. Massive C, tea. Ibuprofen, wonder if
Ibuprofen has keep me from feeling tooth stump getting huge decay.
From resting yesterday when I only worked on my web page, my muscles
seem better. Major pain hardly there at all. Compress off: toe looks
really good. Fresh compress just to be thorough and sure. Wish this
wasn’t accompanied by huge teeth problem.
December 11, 2004 (Saturday): gums hurt even though partial isn’t in.
Take implant screw out. Salt water solution in mouth for an hour.
Infection in mouth hurts sharp pain with salt water, dull ache between
salt water. Glands feel swollen. Eyes burn. Take compress off early
hoping for good clear toe, and that’s true. It’s still looking good: all red
lines are faint an half the length they were. Left eye not seeing clearly.
Infection is on left upper side of mouth. Tooth stump is black with
decay. Scared. Can’t go to sleep till going on 4 a.m.
December 12, 2004 (Sunday): didn’t sleep well even though pain in right
thigh is vastly reduced. Hard to eat without partial; jaw feels really
tight, maybe from extra strain since without partial there’s a larger
space my teeth/jaw close through in trying to chew. Take out second
implant screw. Salt water for hours, till I run out of salt. Inside of my
lips are irritated from the salt. Muscles itching, which seems like a good
sign, grandpa used to say itching (after I had my appendix out) was a
sign of healing. Call Gateway tech re computer not working; Christy, the
young woman, had tetanus when she was about 8, she got it near her
birthday which she said was in May... it took her till August to be able
to go outside. She remembers it like the worse case of flue ever, with
all her muscles hurting. Her neck did get “locked” when she was lying on
sofa because she wasn’t feeling good, and her jaw locked; she was in
hospital three days; hers itched when she was getting better. I’m
amazed to have gotten to talk to someone else who has had tetanus.
Computer’s okay, whew. Massive C and tea. Fresh compress.
December 13, 2004 (Monday): Doreen didn’t come. Feel a little scared.
Don’t hear from Bobbette, so I think Bobbette must be under the
weather. Sabra says she can get a few things for me. Massive C and
tea. Young woman delivers for Kitchen Angels.. when I hear her at door
I get up to go collect dinner from her, only she’s already in hall and I
jump in fright, then laugh. She’s a very nice young woman. Fresh
compress. Gums are very red only in certain areas now.
December 14, 2004 (Tuesday): Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m so tired
of sleeping sitting up, but my muscles begin to feel very worrying when
I try to straighten out. Sabra is going to P.O. so she says she’ll get
stamps for me. She’ll also get salt and Listerine. Try to take it easy.
Massive C, tea. Take compress off around noon. Toe looks really good.
Think I may not put another compress on. B12 shot. Charles delivers
for Kitchen Angels, he cheers me up big time, but when he’s leaving he
says how dark the hallway is and I realize I forgot to put light on, I
feel soooo bad because Kitchen Angels is so nice and putting the light
on is the least I can do. 10 p.m. toe has line again... much thicker but
not all the way to bottom of nail... Fresh compress. Sharp pain in
muscle above abdomen on left side when I move; there most of the day.
December 15, 2004 (Wednesday): Slept better last night. Hand asleep
when I wake up. Curious about that since I had a B12 shot yesterday.
Time myself when I get up to see how I’m doing. I was up 12 minutes
before my muscles started tightening enough to scare me; most
tightening in my back muscles. I had thought it would be longer. Risk
management lady coming today. She didn’t come.
December 16, 2004 (Thursday): Up 13 minutes, first thing, before
muscles tighten so much I have to go back to bed. Gums swollen, can’t
put partial in. Vitamin C (masses), compress, homeopathics, and
Listerine...
December 17, 2004 (Friday): Bobbette comes and gets list to get
things I need; when she doesn’t come right back I get scared she’s had
an accident – I get really cold. Happily she’s fine. C, Compress,
Ibuprofen. Methylcobalamin arrives from Fred. Mouth sore.
Wal*Mart did photos wrong, way too expensive: on hold long without
talking to manager; Will try to remember to do it over internet.
December 18, 2004 (Saturday): Mouth sore, still swelling, but not as
bad. Try methylcobalamin. Flavor is much better than I expected. It
seems to have same effect as cyanocobalamin... nice not to have to use
the needle. Trying to rest more, so muscles get better: work on web
site because it doesn’t require hard thinking, so it’s restful. C,
Compress, Ibuprofen.
December 19. 2004 (Sunday): really impressed with methylcobalamin.
Started to get depressed feeling, took one when otherwise I’d have had
a shot, and it worked; Trying to relax a lot though, so muscles heal. Also
pain in thigh continues to diminish. C, Compress, Listerine, Ibuprofen.
December 20, 2004 (Monday): pain and tightness seem much better,
don’t take Ibuprofen until 10:30 a.m., that’s 9½ hours. Also, was up 17
minutes before tightening made me have to go back to bed. Really happy
about length of time. Doreen comes with Bobette. Organize foreclosure
papers for Doreen to take to Bernadette for copying and to be sent to
Legal Aid lawyer, Sandy. Stressful reading some of the papers where
they had hearings that I didn’t even know about. (2/24/05 : the
hearing they had without me was in the injunction case before Judge
Pfeiffer.) Can’t keep papers straight. Have to reorganize them over and
over again. Doreen says it’s nearly time for her to leave. I call
Bernadette to see if Doreen can just leave the papers, and if DVR will
mail them to Sandy... she says yes, asks me to write address for
Jenelle. I can barely keep that request in mind, I copy address, but
then when I try to write Jenelle’s name, I can barely write... my
writing isn’t clear at all. I am sooo stressed. Can’t type straight either.
Try to play Mah Jong but chat is hopelessly transposed letters and
mixed up. No one talks to me. Call Sabra, talk is good. But in the
evening I’m still not functioning properly in terms of my mind and my
fingers working together... typing still off. C, compress.
December 21, 2004 (Tuesday): methylcobalamin still seems to be
working really well, using less Ibuprofen, pain in stomach muscles less
intense. Valerie Del O, and Rudy Del O come over as insurance
adjusters re risk management, office of the courts. Sabra is here to
observe. Feel my hand shaking when I gesture. Can’t remember words
when I’m trying to talk. After they leave I can remember Valerie asking
me a question, or part of a question, but I can’t remember it all. I ask
Sabra. She says V. had wanted to know what accommodations I wanted.
I wish I’d told her about paper Jill Ryan wrote and that I filed with
court. Really tense; typing affected, feel like I’m not thinking straight.
Can’t do anything because of inaccuracy factor. Bobbette brings
Christmas basket food: just tons of supplies. But Bobbette’s uncle has
killed himself, and another uncle has died... so she’s going to Colorado
Springs for funeral... I ask if she would/can deliver summons. She calls
to see, and says yes. Happy but still stressed and not functioning. When
Charles brings evening meal I confuse a lot of words and am really
distressed because of my non-functioning. Worst is when I want to say
“hydrogen sulfide” and say, “homo” and stop. I wish I hadn’t been
attacking Christians on pbs today about their attacks on gays. I’m
afraid I hurt his feelings. Take 3 Ibuprofen at 6 p.m. because pain
level has risen, probably because of extreme stress of court not
accommodating and so close to foreclosure. Scared. Then later get
email from Bobbette, who can’t find Return forms. But I’ve already
missed her. I’m pretty tense, even when I try to relax. It seems like if
the court has been refusing to accommodate, and ruling against me,
that it is not going to stop discriminating unless the 10th Circuit rules
in my favor... Scared. Do not want to lose home.
December 22, 2004 (Wednesday): up only 11 minutes before I have to
go back to bed. Couldn’t sleep well last night, thigh worse, I think from
the stress affecting my nerves. Can’t see very clearly -- also probably
nerves affected by stress. Take an extra vitamin A. There’s no way I
can properly answer all the papers in the time the judge gave. It’s
hopeless if I can’t get accommodation. Try not to think about losing my
home. Scared, though. Methylcobalamin, C, Ibuprofen, Compress.
December 23, 2004 (Thursday): Can’t sleep. Right thigh is intensely
painful again. Little spasms of pain run through it, and when they do my
right foot flexes up, not the whole foot, but my toes and the front part
of my foot bend up toward my ankle – it does it, I don’t do it. Eyes burn
from being tired, and from the wearing effect of the pain. Wrists feel
extremely tired. A.m. it’s very cold in house. Can’t warm it up. Muscles
get very tight againt, even around middle where breathing is – feel
nauseous. C, Ibuprofen, fresh compress.
December 24, 2004 (Friday): takes half the day to warm up house.
Muscles ight. Kitchen Angels makes me so happy – beautifll bood. Cannot
type. Also a smiling delivery person. Happiest Chrismtas, excpet for
beign sick, in a long time. C, Ibuprofen, didn’t put fresh comparess on –
too tired.
December 25, 2004 (Saturday): got eight hours of sleep though ti was
hard o go to sleep because head kept falling way to the left. So tired
of sleping sitting up. Took more Ibuprofen in the early morning, in
the dark, when thigh was about to be unbearable. Timed myself when
I got up, ony 7 minutes. (down from 17 on Tuysay,no mmoNday
morning.) Plus, I pushed myself aftern muscles started tightening and
now they still hurt even though I’m in bed. On the plus side, when I
press on a muscle it’s sore. They used to just be tight. So I thinkt he
soreness ifon the side of healing. I wish they were still itching. Tat
tidn’t last very long, I think because of the court stress. Court is
hopeless if they keep trefusing to accommodate. (I am not correcting
all the errors, ecaue the errors are a resutl of the stress and they and
the tsress make everyting that much harder.) Feel nearer hopeless
today. I’ve lost several days and much improvement has been lsot
because judge woudn’t accommodtae, No way I can answer all motions
in 15 days from hearing, when I didnt’ even get themail for nearly a
week – or at least way beyond what it would have taken id if I docud
go to the mail box myself. Judge seems to have determined he will
foreclose becauehe willmake it impossible for me to defend. Pre-Paid
dwasn’t there on Wednesday (probably for holiday); Legal aid
attoreny, Sandy, coulnd’t be reached... yet I’m supposed to file on
Monday. He ouwouldnot have done this to an attoreny. Need to check
reules. Bit tpdau O’m gong to read on stress: the Elissa Epel material.
Being able to be up only 7 minute – 7 minutes is not enought itme to do
anything... and my musles areso tight again aht I can’t take as large
steps anymoere, ant that means just going to another room takes
longer, when I already have less time. Was going to have an olive cuz
ilove olives.l th Christmas atreat. But of course I can’t open oliv jar. I
can barely open bolobna bologna packs – the sealed plastic that you
have to pull apartr. But, Bobbette got me wonderful brie and totritllas
so I’m enohoy enjoyhing that for c?hristmas. it’s totally wonederful.
December 26, 2004 (Sunday): Slept poorly, woke up – vision blurry.
Bathroom, coffee, water for kitty, up 7 minutes before tightening
extreme, back to bed. Depressign that I was able to be up 17 minutes.
Tomorrow is the day I would have gotten rent. Next Sunday I need to
show the house... when I was ablet toe be up 17 minutes, I was happy
thinking I oculd shoulw it. Even though I’m back in bed, my muscles still
feel bad. So I’m much much worse than a week ago.
| page crashed and I'm putting it back together. |
January 17, 2005 (Monday): I haven’t written in a long time because I
got so depressed after I had been able to be up 17 minutes but then I
got really cold when the temperature dipped and I couldn’t get my
home warm with the oven, I could only be up 7 minutes. I can be up
around 10 minutes, now. I have been noticing skinny red lines under
my fingernails, and today I realized that Maggie (a lady in Florida
who sent me fresh, organic oranges) had emailed me information that
mentioned these kinds of lines, calling them “splinter hemorrhages. I’m
a little worried by these lines because I’ve had this infections SO
LONG. Since Maggie also sent me Oil of Oregano and Propolis, and
I’m taking each of these three times a day, I am hoping the lines go
away. Took photo of red spot on top of toe.
January 19, 2005 (Wednesday): I am too tired to look and see if I
ever documented the infection I had in my gums by the implants, which
caused me to unscrew the implants and take them out. I mention this
because it seems like I’m having so much infection, and maybe it’s
stemming from my toe. I feel very tired today. The fine lines under my
fingernails are not so prominent, and seem shorter, being more toward
the tops of my fingers now, except for my left ring finger where it
goes the whole length and my right thumb where the line not only goes
the whole length but is wider than the lines on my toe. The tip of my
toe seems very red again... I wonder how infection is ever gotten out,
or if it is just stopped by killing it. I’m able to take a lot less
Ibuprofen now, at least a third less. So I think the tetanus part of
this must be better. I just don’t want that to come back because of
the infection... the red lines being more places doesn’t seem like a
good thing.
January 22, 2005 (Sunday): Yesterday I doubled the amount of Oil
of Oregano I’m putting into each capsule. The lines on my left thumb
appear less pronounced – not as sharply defined. The much thicker line
on my right thumb that goes the whole way between two of the lines on
my nail still has a large red blotch, the size of a lentil, at the top... but
there’s now an area just below the blotch that is narrower, giving the
impression that it might be going away. The lines on my toes are quite
faded, especially the two sides ones. Plus, they do not go away only to
come back each morning as they did with the vitamin C. I was dizzy
this morning, though. And I didn’t sleep well last night. Up repeatedly
to go to bathroom. Also, I felt scared this morning. When I felt
scared it was when I was thinking about the legal aid lawyer not
helping after all, and all the time I spent on that. Only I don’t think
I could have done anything else with that time, because when I put the
papers together for her, I could barely do it, and then I was so worn
out and stressed that I couldn’t type for a whole day, more than 24
hours, actually. I did get better several hours later, but the next day
my typing was still affected. I took a shower, and though my muscles
tightened they didn’t get as rigid as they used to. I also hurried, so
they wouldn’t. B12 shot. Feel very scared because now that I got the
transcript and read it, I can see the court wants to foreclose on me as
fast as possible. Very scary. Feel shaky. A couple hours after writing
that I felt shaky, I got a nose bleed... Very bad stress, knowing court
was trying to foreclose on me without due process. 2 sublingual
methylcobalamin.
January 27, 2005 (Thursday): I’ve had a toothache for a few days.
Last night the pain was intense. I’ve taken a lot of Ibuprofen, and this
morning it’s a dull ache except when I touch the area under my nose,
and my face looks swollen on the left side... Also , it seems harder to
see on that side. It could be because of th eswelling. I’ve taken 15
500mg Vitamin C. and will do a schedule of ti aand propolis an doil od
oaregano... becauswe it’s too much for me to remember.
got so depressed after I had been able to be up 17 minutes but then I
got really cold when the temperature dipped and I couldn’t get my
home warm with the oven, I could only be up 7 minutes. I can be up
around 10 minutes, now. I have been noticing skinny red lines under
my fingernails, and today I realized that Maggie (a lady in Florida
who sent me fresh, organic oranges) had emailed me information that
mentioned these kinds of lines, calling them “splinter hemorrhages. I’m
a little worried by these lines because I’ve had this infections SO
LONG. Since Maggie also sent me Oil of Oregano and Propolis, and
I’m taking each of these three times a day, I am hoping the lines go
away. Took photo of red spot on top of toe.
January 19, 2005 (Wednesday): I am too tired to look and see if I
ever documented the infection I had in my gums by the implants, which
caused me to unscrew the implants and take them out. I mention this
because it seems like I’m having so much infection, and maybe it’s
stemming from my toe. I feel very tired today. The fine lines under my
fingernails are not so prominent, and seem shorter, being more toward
the tops of my fingers now, except for my left ring finger where it
goes the whole length and my right thumb where the line not only goes
the whole length but is wider than the lines on my toe. The tip of my
toe seems very red again... I wonder how infection is ever gotten out,
or if it is just stopped by killing it. I’m able to take a lot less
Ibuprofen now, at least a third less. So I think the tetanus part of
this must be better. I just don’t want that to come back because of
the infection... the red lines being more places doesn’t seem like a
good thing.
January 22, 2005 (Sunday): Yesterday I doubled the amount of Oil
of Oregano I’m putting into each capsule. The lines on my left thumb
appear less pronounced – not as sharply defined. The much thicker line
on my right thumb that goes the whole way between two of the lines on
my nail still has a large red blotch, the size of a lentil, at the top... but
there’s now an area just below the blotch that is narrower, giving the
impression that it might be going away. The lines on my toes are quite
faded, especially the two sides ones. Plus, they do not go away only to
come back each morning as they did with the vitamin C. I was dizzy
this morning, though. And I didn’t sleep well last night. Up repeatedly
to go to bathroom. Also, I felt scared this morning. When I felt
scared it was when I was thinking about the legal aid lawyer not
helping after all, and all the time I spent on that. Only I don’t think
I could have done anything else with that time, because when I put the
papers together for her, I could barely do it, and then I was so worn
out and stressed that I couldn’t type for a whole day, more than 24
hours, actually. I did get better several hours later, but the next day
my typing was still affected. I took a shower, and though my muscles
tightened they didn’t get as rigid as they used to. I also hurried, so
they wouldn’t. B12 shot. Feel very scared because now that I got the
transcript and read it, I can see the court wants to foreclose on me as
fast as possible. Very scary. Feel shaky. A couple hours after writing
that I felt shaky, I got a nose bleed... Very bad stress, knowing court
was trying to foreclose on me without due process. 2 sublingual
methylcobalamin.
January 27, 2005 (Thursday): I’ve had a toothache for a few days.
Last night the pain was intense. I’ve taken a lot of Ibuprofen, and this
morning it’s a dull ache except when I touch the area under my nose,
and my face looks swollen on the left side... Also , it seems harder to
see on that side. It could be because of th eswelling. I’ve taken 15
500mg Vitamin C. and will do a schedule of ti aand propolis an doil od
oaregano... becauswe it’s too much for me to remember.
February 1, 2005 (Tuesday): Put earrings in, notice that left ear lobe
is really puffy. Bobbette drives me to El Rito to see Dr. Keith. Dr.
Keith examines my toe... asks a lot of questions, says I did have
tetanus, but that she doesn’t think I’ll get the contractions again, only
I need to get out whatever feels sharp when the tip of my toe is
pressed. Silica. Two doses a day. Have one at her office and another
before I go to sleep. After one before I’m trying to go to sleep,
there’s some sharp pain in my tinnitus ear (the right one.) It doesn’t
last, luckily, as it was really sharp.
February 2, 2005 (Wednesday): Changed compress. There’s a red spot
above the middle line, now, that’s like the red spot that was above the
line on the right ... so that’s good maybe it will draw it out really fast.
And, I wonder if there are hydrogen sulfide toxins, if it might draw
that out, too??? There are some more of those brown spots that aren’t
sebacious keritosis. I’m really so hopeful. It is such a relief to have had
a doctor actually look at my toe. My ear lobes are still real puffy. P.M.
took two photos of the white spot that’s appeared above the middle to
left lines. I’m hopeful.
February 8, 2005 (Tuesday): Court hearing. Judge held an earlier
hearing that I didn’t get notice for. He said I had notice, but when I
showed the paper to Bobbette she pointed out it was from the
December 8, 2004 hearing. Judge would not look at paper. He said
he’d already dismissed my third party complaints in the other case,
that morning. On the way home Bobbette repeated what he’d said about
why the mortgage company should be paid and me lose my home and
rental. So he convinced her. I collapsed into bed and couldn’t because
of my muscles, even make a cup of tea that I wanted. It was like the
stress gave a great boost to the disease.
February 10, 2005 (Thursday): Don calls to say the boiler is shot at
the rental – that it was carbon monocide not gas that he smelled.
Estimate is $3,400. I do not fall apart, but remain logical and attempt
to find solutions.
February 11, 2005 (Friday): Bobbette emails me that she has talked to
Dr. Lynch, the lawyer I was in contact with. I feel so violated that she
did that without asking or telling me. I no longer feel as if I can handle
things. My voice has lost its confidence. Don picks up B12 and needles
at Wal*Mart for me. He makes me laugh while he visits. But overall I
no longer feel hopeful.
February 12, 2005 (Saturday): Nose bleed. B12 shot. I try to contact
Territorial Plumbing owners the way I said I would, but I feel so
hopeless that I feel creepy trying.
February 13, 2005 (Sunday): B12 shot. I’m still no where near as good
(in terms of regained health) as I was before the judge called that
December 8th hearing when I had so little notice and when I was
shaking from the tension and then when the weather changed I couldn’t
get warm.
February 14, 2005 (Monday): I try to do the emailing that I’d planned
all year to do for Valentine’s, but my message is so poor. Not at all like
the Christmas message which was well thought out and many faceted.
Whereas people thanked me for the Christmas message, this time lots
of people asked to be removed. Egypt puts her head on my stomach ...
on the right where the muscles seem to be connected to my back, and
they felt soo bad... I moved her right away but the feeling didn’t stop
or go away... it was an unsettling feeling as if there was a ball of tiny
worms writhing right there. This evening Egypt fell asleep on my knee
and I noticed that her heart was beating so hard it was moving her
whole body... I wrote on the BrainTalk forum about it because it
scared me – I wonder if it’s because of the oil from the oil filled
radiator... that she was sleeping on when I didn’t realize it was
leaking. But then she moved and I realized that there was this nerve
or vein or something throbbing in my knee. It wasn’t Egypt, it was my
knee. I have no idea what could make that much movement, to actually
rhythmically move my kitty. My thigh feels like the peripheral
neuropathy is coming back: the shattered glass being shot into my leg
feeling was back, only just for bursts. It didn’t last. It’s hard to
believe the moons on my thumb nails are nearly gone, and I didn’t
notice. I think the methylcobalamin lozenges are not sufficient. So
depressed. I had liked feeling like I could trust Bobbette.
February 15, 2005 (Tuesday): Well, I can sleep lying flat now, but
there’s a weird feeling in my back muscles when I do that: in maybe
three to five places the muscles in my back feel as if there is a metal
bristle cat brush inside pressing. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt
before. I am really distressed to realize I am going to lose everything
and without a hearing. The judge said that “they” didn’t agree about
what I wrote... so I guess he means when he and the opposing attorneys
were discussing me on December 8th. I sent Bobbette a lot of questions
that I had as a result of her calling the lawyer, and she didn’t respond
yesterday. I don’t think she intends to respond. If she couldn’t get me a
doctor months ago, then I don’t know why she stepped in with the
lawyer who’d been recommended to me. Whatever she meant, I’ve
ended up feeling the same way my father made me feel. B12 shot. I’m
going to be really still today, and sleep a lot and see if my muscles
get any better. That feeling in my stomach muscles where Egypt
touched them yesterday was pretty scary. It was such light pressure
to have caused so much discomfort and continued involuntary movement
in the muscles. I made coffee to have for lunch with cheese and
crackers, while I open the mail that Doreen brought in yesterday. An
unmarked envelope, without any return address, contains the
foreclosure of my home. On Tuesday the 8th, at the hearing for which
I didn’t get notice, the judge foreclosed my property. I can barely
breathe... and my throat feels as if it is closed. There is also a City
envelope, and in it is the dismissal of the City from my third party
complaint. There is no envelope from Butt Thornton. Now I see why he
judge didn’t want to just grant me a copy of the tape... he wanted to
keep me from knowing as long as possible. What a corrupt court. But I
wonder if the court knows that the 10th Circuit will not find for me...
because it seems strange that the Court would violate so many of my
rights if it had any idea that it would be called to account. The City’s
motion was granted because I didn’t have time to answer it because of
the failure to accommodate my disability. I wonder if Bobbette knew
when she called the lawyer, and if Tom knew at Protection and
Advocacy and if that’s why he never got back to me about the loan
to pay my mortgage. It almost seems like if that many people knew and
they weren’t telling me, and they were en masse taking decisions that
affect me, that it is a “conspiracy.” My chest is still so tight, and it’s
four hours later. I think I’d better have another B12 shot. I had a
shower to calm down, besides which it’s been a week since I had one
because of how much worse my muscles were after the hearing last
Tuesday. I gave myself a B12 shot, but it was very hard to do because
of how my hands are shaking. I’m not surprised I’ve gotten worse so
many times when the stress and negligence and corruption are this
manifest. I should have had adequate antibiotic from October 7th. I
should not have had to wait till last week when I got it from Dr. Keith
because I was finally well enough to go that far. My chest is so tight.
Three hours later, and the muscles beneath my abdomen are tight the
way they were the first few days after the first contraction.
February 16, 2005 (Wednesday): 4:45 a.m. woken because it’s so hard
to breathe. This is how the tetanus felt in the first weeks. Get up,
make coffee, take Ibuprofen. I think the intense distress yesterday
has taken a toll. Not that I’m very much less stressed today. What is
most distressing is that the judge took my property without allowing
me to be at a hearing. It’s like he’s making it clear that I have no
rights. He said something about how I may think something, but they
don’t. The way he said, “they” had an ominous sound – perhaps only to
me because I was thinking about the transcript of the hearing he held
without me after I asked for a continuance. I wonder if it would have
been less of a stress on my muscles if I’d not been lying flat to sleep.
Call Dr. Keith about higher amount of Metronidazol. B12 shot.
February 17, 2005 (Thursday): Am back to taking Ibuprofen every 3
hours or same kind of pain and extreme tightening as before. Slept
raised. Took Ibuprofen during the night.
is really puffy. Bobbette drives me to El Rito to see Dr. Keith. Dr.
Keith examines my toe... asks a lot of questions, says I did have
tetanus, but that she doesn’t think I’ll get the contractions again, only
I need to get out whatever feels sharp when the tip of my toe is
pressed. Silica. Two doses a day. Have one at her office and another
before I go to sleep. After one before I’m trying to go to sleep,
there’s some sharp pain in my tinnitus ear (the right one.) It doesn’t
last, luckily, as it was really sharp.
February 2, 2005 (Wednesday): Changed compress. There’s a red spot
above the middle line, now, that’s like the red spot that was above the
line on the right ... so that’s good maybe it will draw it out really fast.
And, I wonder if there are hydrogen sulfide toxins, if it might draw
that out, too??? There are some more of those brown spots that aren’t
sebacious keritosis. I’m really so hopeful. It is such a relief to have had
a doctor actually look at my toe. My ear lobes are still real puffy. P.M.
took two photos of the white spot that’s appeared above the middle to
left lines. I’m hopeful.
February 8, 2005 (Tuesday): Court hearing. Judge held an earlier
hearing that I didn’t get notice for. He said I had notice, but when I
showed the paper to Bobbette she pointed out it was from the
December 8, 2004 hearing. Judge would not look at paper. He said
he’d already dismissed my third party complaints in the other case,
that morning. On the way home Bobbette repeated what he’d said about
why the mortgage company should be paid and me lose my home and
rental. So he convinced her. I collapsed into bed and couldn’t because
of my muscles, even make a cup of tea that I wanted. It was like the
stress gave a great boost to the disease.
February 10, 2005 (Thursday): Don calls to say the boiler is shot at
the rental – that it was carbon monocide not gas that he smelled.
Estimate is $3,400. I do not fall apart, but remain logical and attempt
to find solutions.
February 11, 2005 (Friday): Bobbette emails me that she has talked to
Dr. Lynch, the lawyer I was in contact with. I feel so violated that she
did that without asking or telling me. I no longer feel as if I can handle
things. My voice has lost its confidence. Don picks up B12 and needles
at Wal*Mart for me. He makes me laugh while he visits. But overall I
no longer feel hopeful.
February 12, 2005 (Saturday): Nose bleed. B12 shot. I try to contact
Territorial Plumbing owners the way I said I would, but I feel so
hopeless that I feel creepy trying.
February 13, 2005 (Sunday): B12 shot. I’m still no where near as good
(in terms of regained health) as I was before the judge called that
December 8th hearing when I had so little notice and when I was
shaking from the tension and then when the weather changed I couldn’t
get warm.
February 14, 2005 (Monday): I try to do the emailing that I’d planned
all year to do for Valentine’s, but my message is so poor. Not at all like
the Christmas message which was well thought out and many faceted.
Whereas people thanked me for the Christmas message, this time lots
of people asked to be removed. Egypt puts her head on my stomach ...
on the right where the muscles seem to be connected to my back, and
they felt soo bad... I moved her right away but the feeling didn’t stop
or go away... it was an unsettling feeling as if there was a ball of tiny
worms writhing right there. This evening Egypt fell asleep on my knee
and I noticed that her heart was beating so hard it was moving her
whole body... I wrote on the BrainTalk forum about it because it
scared me – I wonder if it’s because of the oil from the oil filled
radiator... that she was sleeping on when I didn’t realize it was
leaking. But then she moved and I realized that there was this nerve
or vein or something throbbing in my knee. It wasn’t Egypt, it was my
knee. I have no idea what could make that much movement, to actually
rhythmically move my kitty. My thigh feels like the peripheral
neuropathy is coming back: the shattered glass being shot into my leg
feeling was back, only just for bursts. It didn’t last. It’s hard to
believe the moons on my thumb nails are nearly gone, and I didn’t
notice. I think the methylcobalamin lozenges are not sufficient. So
depressed. I had liked feeling like I could trust Bobbette.
February 15, 2005 (Tuesday): Well, I can sleep lying flat now, but
there’s a weird feeling in my back muscles when I do that: in maybe
three to five places the muscles in my back feel as if there is a metal
bristle cat brush inside pressing. It’s not like anything I’ve ever felt
before. I am really distressed to realize I am going to lose everything
and without a hearing. The judge said that “they” didn’t agree about
what I wrote... so I guess he means when he and the opposing attorneys
were discussing me on December 8th. I sent Bobbette a lot of questions
that I had as a result of her calling the lawyer, and she didn’t respond
yesterday. I don’t think she intends to respond. If she couldn’t get me a
doctor months ago, then I don’t know why she stepped in with the
lawyer who’d been recommended to me. Whatever she meant, I’ve
ended up feeling the same way my father made me feel. B12 shot. I’m
going to be really still today, and sleep a lot and see if my muscles
get any better. That feeling in my stomach muscles where Egypt
touched them yesterday was pretty scary. It was such light pressure
to have caused so much discomfort and continued involuntary movement
in the muscles. I made coffee to have for lunch with cheese and
crackers, while I open the mail that Doreen brought in yesterday. An
unmarked envelope, without any return address, contains the
foreclosure of my home. On Tuesday the 8th, at the hearing for which
I didn’t get notice, the judge foreclosed my property. I can barely
breathe... and my throat feels as if it is closed. There is also a City
envelope, and in it is the dismissal of the City from my third party
complaint. There is no envelope from Butt Thornton. Now I see why he
judge didn’t want to just grant me a copy of the tape... he wanted to
keep me from knowing as long as possible. What a corrupt court. But I
wonder if the court knows that the 10th Circuit will not find for me...
because it seems strange that the Court would violate so many of my
rights if it had any idea that it would be called to account. The City’s
motion was granted because I didn’t have time to answer it because of
the failure to accommodate my disability. I wonder if Bobbette knew
when she called the lawyer, and if Tom knew at Protection and
Advocacy and if that’s why he never got back to me about the loan
to pay my mortgage. It almost seems like if that many people knew and
they weren’t telling me, and they were en masse taking decisions that
affect me, that it is a “conspiracy.” My chest is still so tight, and it’s
four hours later. I think I’d better have another B12 shot. I had a
shower to calm down, besides which it’s been a week since I had one
because of how much worse my muscles were after the hearing last
Tuesday. I gave myself a B12 shot, but it was very hard to do because
of how my hands are shaking. I’m not surprised I’ve gotten worse so
many times when the stress and negligence and corruption are this
manifest. I should have had adequate antibiotic from October 7th. I
should not have had to wait till last week when I got it from Dr. Keith
because I was finally well enough to go that far. My chest is so tight.
Three hours later, and the muscles beneath my abdomen are tight the
way they were the first few days after the first contraction.
February 16, 2005 (Wednesday): 4:45 a.m. woken because it’s so hard
to breathe. This is how the tetanus felt in the first weeks. Get up,
make coffee, take Ibuprofen. I think the intense distress yesterday
has taken a toll. Not that I’m very much less stressed today. What is
most distressing is that the judge took my property without allowing
me to be at a hearing. It’s like he’s making it clear that I have no
rights. He said something about how I may think something, but they
don’t. The way he said, “they” had an ominous sound – perhaps only to
me because I was thinking about the transcript of the hearing he held
without me after I asked for a continuance. I wonder if it would have
been less of a stress on my muscles if I’d not been lying flat to sleep.
Call Dr. Keith about higher amount of Metronidazol. B12 shot.
February 17, 2005 (Thursday): Am back to taking Ibuprofen every 3
hours or same kind of pain and extreme tightening as before. Slept
raised. Took Ibuprofen during the night.
Kathleen was
gong to help me
with broken
furnace.
gong to help me
with broken
furnace.
Kathleen and
legal stuff. Took
too long too
explain.
legal stuff. Took
too long too
explain.
Corrine says no
more caregiver.
Worried about
court stuff.
more caregiver.
Worried about
court stuff.
4.
3.
2.
1.
"summonses SO
important" -
Intense pain
important" -
Intense pain
Mormons bring
antibiotics
antibiotics
caregiver helps
me with court
things
me with court
things
Kerry campaign
brings me Ledum
from Vitamin
Cottage for
donation
brings me Ledum
from Vitamin
Cottage for
donation
Kerry campaign
won't bring me
B12 needles; have
to pay for 3
hours from Home
Instead to get
them
won't bring me
B12 needles; have
to pay for 3
hours from Home
Instead to get
them
mention not
driving because
of intense pain
driving because
of intense pain
couldn't stand
long enough to
put summonses
together
long enough to
put summonses
together
ignoring
tightening
causes
appendix type
pain
tightening
causes
appendix type
pain
talking is so
exhausting it
causes
trembling
exhausting it
causes
trembling
US Appeals Court
enlargement
enlargement
Bobbette brings
in foreclosure
hearing notice; I
get cold, start
shaking.
in foreclosure
hearing notice; I
get cold, start
shaking.
Work on Reply
Brief; Badillo
from law library
unusable
Brief; Badillo
from law library
unusable
when Brief is due
exhausted after
FedEx takes
Brief. Worried
about foreclosure;
Returns still prob
FedEx takes
Brief. Worried
about foreclosure;
Returns still prob
David Segura
process server
process server
dental infection
computer not
working
working
help from adult
protective
services doesn't
come when I was
told then'd come
protective
services doesn't
come when I was
told then'd come
risk management
mouth swelling
not as bad
not as bad
Organize
foreclosure
papers for Legal
Aid lawyer, but
can't keep them
straight
foreclosure
papers for Legal
Aid lawyer, but
can't keep them
straight
insurance
adjusters for
risk management
adjusters for
risk management
Court refusing to
accommodate,
discriminating -
worried about
10th Circuit
accommodate,
discriminating -
worried about
10th Circuit
impossible to
answer all papers
in time given by
judge - hopeless
without
accommodation
answer all papers
in time given by
judge - hopeless
without
accommodation
Court hopeless -
refusing to
accommodate;
didn't even get
15 days because
I can't get my
mail myself.
Judge making it
impossible to
defend.
refusing to
accommodate;
didn't even get
15 days because
I can't get my
mail myself.
Judge making it
impossible to
defend.
got really cold
fine red lines
under fingernails
under fingernails
big red blotch as
well as red lines
scared: legal aid
lawyer won't help
transcipt shows
court wanting to
foreclose w/o
due process, very
stressful
well as red lines
scared: legal aid
lawyer won't help
transcipt shows
court wanting to
foreclose w/o
due process, very
stressful
Dr. Keith says I
did have tetanus
did have tetanus
hearing, judge
held earlier
hearing - I didn't
get notice; judge
would not look at
paper, Bobbette
sees he's wrong
about date
held earlier
hearing - I didn't
get notice; judge
would not look at
paper, Bobbette
sees he's wrong
about date
Don says boiler
shot
shot
Haven't regained
health from time
judge called Dec.
8 hearing with so
little notice to me
that I was
shaking from
tension
health from time
judge called Dec.
8 hearing with so
little notice to me
that I was
shaking from
tension
attempt to earn
money from site
ruined by stress
money from site
ruined by stress
unmarked
envelope with no
return address
contains
foreclosure of my
home. it was done
at hearing I had
no notice of. Can
bearly breathe -
this is probably
why judge
wouldn't grant me
tape of hearing,
so I wouldn't
know. Court's
violated my
rights , grants
motions I had
inadequate time
to answer; shaking
envelope with no
return address
contains
foreclosure of my
home. it was done
at hearing I had
no notice of. Can
bearly breathe -
this is probably
why judge
wouldn't grant me
tape of hearing,
so I wouldn't
know. Court's
violated my
rights , grants
motions I had
inadequate time
to answer; shaking
woken because
it's so hard to
breathe
judge took my
property without
allowing me
hearing.
it's so hard to
breathe
judge took my
property without
allowing me
hearing.
In March I got
to see homeless
doctor after
foreclosure -
finally got enough
Metronidazol
to see homeless
doctor after
foreclosure -
finally got enough
Metronidazol
saved my home by
filing of Chapter
13
Senior Transport
lets me down, US
Trustee blames
me, works to
dismiss
filing of Chapter
13
Senior Transport
lets me down, US
Trustee blames
me, works to
dismiss
Tetanus: a health boundary that bites
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